By Dr. Samantha Blake
A few years ago, while shopping with my son, I found myself at the receiving end of unsolicited parenting advice from a stranger. In an effort to prevent a meltdown, I had allowed my 2-year-old to drag a gigantic teddy bear around the store. When I attempted to return it, I noticed it was covered in dirt from the floor. Though the cashier assured me I didn’t need to buy it, I felt compelled to pay for the bear, feeling ashamed of what I perceived to be a rookie mistake.
As I stood at the checkout, a woman behind me decided it was the perfect moment to lecture me on proper parenting. She insisted I set limits, be more firm, and chastised me for allowing my son to carry the bear. I was stunned. Here was another mother, judging me without knowing anything about my situation or my family. I wanted to respond with anger, but instead, I mustered a polite, albeit sarcastic, thank you for her “advice.” It left me feeling humiliated and hurt. Shouldn’t fellow mothers support one another and create a community of understanding?
Despite my generally optimistic outlook, I can’t help but notice the alarming trend of mom shaming that seems to permeate our society. This negativity often manifests in online comment sections, where mothers criticize one another with harsh words. It’s evident in the way the public quickly blames mothers when something goes wrong and how both parents and non-parents alike declare what they “would never allow” in their own families. The distinctions we make between working moms and stay-at-home moms often feel unnecessary, especially since fathers simply exist as dads without any qualifiers.
Mothers face critiques for their choices on everything from breastfeeding to discipline. Every parenting style, whether it’s co-sleeping or free-range parenting, is scrutinized relentlessly. Even innocent mistakes can lead to a wave of criticism, often coming from other women. It appears as though the world stands ready with pitchforks, eager to judge moms for every decision they make. We’re second-guessed if we hover over our children or if we give them too much freedom.
This criticism disproportionately affects mothers, often at the hands of other women. It’s not just unfair; it’s a reflection of a societal trend that is both divisive and damaging. Healthy discussions about parenting are essential, and differing opinions can be beneficial. However, jumping to conclusions and attacking others’ choices without understanding the full context is simply harmful.
I’ve experienced the negative effects of mom shaming firsthand; it can lead to self-doubt and isolation. In contrast, I’ve also witnessed the incredible power of women uplifting one another. When mothers support each other—regardless of their differing parenting styles—amazing transformations can occur. Women can gain the courage to make significant life changes, pursue their passions, and heal from past traumas. This support fosters a sense of community and empowerment.
We’re all in this together, and there are no competing teams in motherhood. Let’s strive to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Unless a mother’s decisions directly affect you and your family, it’s best to keep your opinions to yourself. Instead of rushing to share others’ mistakes for a fleeting moment of notoriety, let’s cut each other some slack.
When women choose to support one another, the pitchforks lose their power.
For more insights into family planning and home insemination, check out this article from another one of our blogs. If you’re interested in learning about the process of home insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource. For further information on pregnancy and related topics, Progyny provides excellent guidance.
Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of supporting fellow mothers instead of engaging in harmful criticism, highlighting the detrimental effects of mom shaming. It calls for a collective effort to foster a nurturing community among mothers, encouraging kindness and understanding rather than judgment.