In just a few weeks, I’ll find myself another year older. It’s not a landmark birthday, which means it will quietly blend in with the others—both meaningful and trivial at once. This is what we call a “something” birthday.
Reflecting on my thoughts from a few years back about the enchanting age of 33, I realize not much has changed. The experience of being thirtysomething feels surprisingly similar, with just a few more laugh lines. Perhaps this is because this stage of life is about finding comfort—settling into who you are and the life you have. It’s a familiar routine, but somehow more fulfilling and defined.
Being thirtysomething means knowing there used to be a popular series called Thirtysomething, yet never actually watching it. You can name a few members of the Brat Pack, but not all of them. It’s forgetting your child’s first-grade teacher’s name while distinctly recalling your own.
In this phase, you often find half-drunk cups of coffee forgotten in the microwave. You might go to bed at 9 PM on a Saturday night and feel perfectly content. It’s waking up at 7:30 AM on the rare mornings you can actually sleep in.
As a doctor, I can tell you that thirtysomething is also about establishing regular visits with a hairstylist. You know the perfect shade of lipstick that complements you, even if you occasionally experiment with bold colors just for fun. It’s the art of discerning what truly deserves your attention and what can be brushed aside—though sometimes, those priorities can get mixed up.
This age brings a vivid recollection of where you were on September 11, 2001. It’s filled with more birthday celebrations and christenings than weddings, and unfortunately, far too many funerals. You might feel a twinge of anxiety when your mother’s name appears on your phone at an unusual hour, thinking, “What if…?”
Thirtysomething encompasses long periods when life feels harmonious and brimming with possibilities, contrasted with occasional spells where everything feels off-kilter, and challenges arise. It’s those moments of vulnerability—crying in the shower or indulging in cookie dough—when life feels both beautiful and burdensome.
You might catch yourself feeling like a teenager again, questioning if life will ever stop feeling like high school. It’s suppressing laughter when your child mistakenly says “fuck” in a public place instead of “truck” and playfully adding a “that’s what she said” at inappropriate times.
This age also signifies comfort—cozy pajamas, well-worn bras, and shoes that prioritize ease over style. You’re dealing with the complexities of skin changes: pimples, wrinkles, and age spots all at once. You may come to terms with the fact that, despite what everyone claims, you genuinely dislike yoga, and that’s just fine.
It’s tucking your little ones back into bed after a nightmare and then lying awake for hours, contemplating life. You still struggle with the correct use of “laying” versus “lying,” but it doesn’t bother you as much. You feel simultaneously young and old, as your social circle spans from friends in their 20s to those in their 40s.
Navigating through thirtysomething involves learning how to gracefully say “nope.” You find yourself saying “I don’t know” and “ask your partner” more than you ever anticipated. There’s a twinge of guilt about not being invited to a gathering, even if you wouldn’t have wanted to go.
This stage of life often includes date nights at chain eateries, discussions about finances, and the comfort of knowing who your true friends are and where your safe spaces lie. You become a source of support for others, too. You might notice changes in your body—a belly that feels rounder, breasts that sag a bit more, thighs that are fuller—and for the most part, you embrace these changes because your heart is fuller than ever.
In thirtysomething, you feel a bit wiser, possess more common sense, and have a precise count of the hours until bedtime.
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In summary, being thirtysomething is a complex blend of nostalgia, comfort, and growth, filled with both challenges and triumphs as we navigate through the journey of life.