Fascinating Womanhood, penned by Helen Andelin in 1963, draws from earlier booklets from the 1920s and ’30s. Since its debut, the book has sold over two million copies. Depending on your perspective on feminism, Fascinating Womanhood can either represent the ideal role of women within the family or act as a catalyst for those who might otherwise prefer to participate in the revolution while baking a pie.
One of the more circulated aspects of the book is a condensed list of dos and don’ts for women that has been a topic of discussion in various women’s studies classes. While some may indeed find value in this list, I, as a modern husband, believe it fails to promote true equality and partnership in marriage. In fact, I find many of these points to be demeaning to both men and women. Thus, I will offer my thoughts on each guideline.
The Don’ts
Don’t attempt to change him.
Absolutely you should! Both partners should encourage growth in one another. Change is a natural part of any relationship. If you think the person you married will remain the same forever, you’re mistaken. Embrace the evolution that comes with marriage; it’s part of the journey.
Don’t express indifference, contempt, or ridicule towards his masculine abilities or ideas.
Does this mean his ideas automatically deserve support simply because they are “masculine”? Male ideas aren’t superior; they’re just ideas. It’s perfectly acceptable to have different interests—showing genuine interest in shared passions is what matters.
Don’t try to outshine him in areas deemed masculine.
Why not? If you want to take up activities like drag racing or extreme sports, go for it! There’s no monopoly on abilities. Let’s shake off these outdated notions of masculinity.
Don’t let external pressures interfere with your homemaking responsibilities.
Is homemaking really the primary obligation? In today’s world, many families depend on dual incomes, and that should be acknowledged. If a woman desires to pursue education or career goals outside the home, it enriches the entire family.
Don’t hold rigid expectations about life.
Pursue your dreams! Life is about adapting and changing. Work together with your partner to achieve those aspirations.
Don’t obstruct his decisions or authority.
What if those decisions are ill-advised? Open dialogue is essential in a marriage. Speaking up when you see a poor choice is necessary, regardless of who is making it.
The Dos
Accept him as he is.
Trust is fundamental, but if you have doubts, communicate openly. We live in an era where honest conversations are vital.
Admire his masculinity.
While compliments are nice, let’s focus on mutual admiration based on love and respect.
Acknowledge his strengths.
Instead of perpetuating notions of superiority, celebrate each other’s abilities. Remember, no one partner is inherently better than the other.
Be a Domestic Goddess.
What does this even mean in today’s context? Discuss goals and aspirations openly with your husband; support each other’s ambitions both at home and beyond.
Revere your husband and honor his right to rule.
This is where we need to draw the line. No one should dominate in a marriage. Instead, let’s advocate for respecting one another and fostering a collaborative environment.
As a father, I recognize that while these dos and don’ts may have resonated in 1963, they are antiquated now. We live in an egalitarian age where shared responsibility and collaboration are key. Love and partnership, where both individuals work together, is the essence of a healthy marriage.
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Summary
In summary, the principles from Fascinating Womanhood are outdated and don’t align with modern relationships. Instead, marriage should be rooted in equality, mutual support, and shared responsibilities, allowing both partners to flourish together.