When my son, Jake, was just four years old, his playmate, Ethan, punched him in the face and snatched his cheese stick. Just moments later, they were happily playing together as if nothing had happened. I watched in disbelief as my little guy, with his bright auburn hair, laughed alongside his friend and I couldn’t help but wonder how he could overlook that incident.
Ethan wasn’t particularly aggressive; this was likely their first real conflict. Yet, the fact remained: Jake had been punched and robbed of his snack. If that had happened to me, I’d be seeking legal advice to handle the situation. I can confidently say we wouldn’t be playing superheroes ten minutes later.
But that’s the remarkable thing about kids: they excel at forgiveness. Now that Jake is nine, I’ve noticed he doesn’t seem to hold grudges—at least, not in any significant way. I have three children, and Jake’s younger siblings, Mia and Lily, aged 6 and 2, also seem to let go of disputes easily. Sure, they’ve expressed frustration at times, especially when I’ve had to take away a tablet or cancel a playdate due to chores or homework. I’ve seen Mia yank Lily’s hair and pop her birthday balloon, only to share giggles together half an hour later while watching their favorite show.
Maybe this is just my experience, as I can’t speak for all children under ten. However, I suspect that at some point in their teenage years, my kids will learn to dwell on grievances. I’m not quite sure when or how that transformation occurs, but I can reflect on my own journey.
I spend considerable time teaching my children various skills, from personal hygiene to reading. Yet, I rarely consider what I might learn from them. Observing their ability to forgive, whether it’s between themselves or with friends, prompts me to contemplate what I can take away from their resilience.
At 33, I’ve witnessed people harboring grudges for years, sometimes resulting in siblings never speaking again over trivial matters like money or a forgotten item. While I acknowledge that some actions are truly unforgivable, I believe most grievances can be resolved. Children seem to grasp this intuitively; they don’t allow issues to fester because it detracts from their enjoyment.
The implications of holding onto anger become even clearer when I think about my older brother. We’ve been out of touch for almost a year now, despite once being inseparable. As kids, we fought, but we always forgave one another. Somewhere along the line, we learned to hold onto resentment. Differences in our political views and religious beliefs drove a wedge between us, leading to biting comments in our conversations until he stopped responding altogether. Reflecting on how close we used to be makes me mourn the moments we’ve lost.
I realize that reconnecting will require us to forgive past grievances, just like my children do so effortlessly. It’s vital for us to return to that state of letting go and enjoying life together. I plan to reach out to him again, hoping he’ll answer. If he does, I’ll apologize for any hurt caused. If you have someone in your life with whom you’ve lost touch but wish to reconnect, consider taking a page from your children’s book of forgiveness. We can learn a lot from their example.
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In summary, children teach us that forgiveness is a natural skill, one that can be forgotten as we grow older. Embracing their ability to let go may open up rewarding moments we’ve been missing.