Updated: March 4, 2021
Originally Published: June 29, 2016
In my teenage years, the worst insult you could hurl my way was “conformist.” Back in the vibrant ’90s, I, like many of my peers, adorned myself in Doc Martens, playful barrettes, and floaty slip dresses, all topped off with a splash of Manic Panic in my hair. In my quest for individuality, I was, ironically, just another face in the crowd.
Fast forward two decades, and I now find solace in the simplicity of conforming. The cause of this dramatic shift? Parenthood. Raising children demands an incredible amount of time and energy—feeding, bathing, and nurturing them leaves little room for personal pursuits. What once was a passion for deep dives into research has been replaced by a more pragmatic approach: I now prefer to spend my evenings sleeping.
Instead of combing through endless reviews or consulting salespeople, I lean on the wisdom of my friends and family. If my cousin has already navigated the waters of selecting a booster seat, why should I start from scratch? I’ve learned to trust the choices of those around me. When it came to strollers, I quickly adopted the orange City Mini my friends swore by. Even my car—a Honda CRV—was a product of crowd consensus. Everyone I knew loved theirs, so it only made sense to follow suit.
This practice of leveraging the experiences of others is what I now think of as crowdsourcing. A simple post on social media can yield an abundance of recommendations. I find myself purchasing the same snacks as my friends; if your pantry is stocked with Annie’s mac and cheese, mine is too! Our kids share similar toys, and we often find ourselves reading the same beloved books. Sandra Boynton, anyone?
While it’s true that not every product or method works for every child, we often gravitate towards the same essentials. Strollers, car seats, and clothing are universal needs. We exchange advice about bottles and books, and together, we identify the items to skip—like wipe warmers and pee-pee teepees.
I must confess that embracing conformity is not just a matter of convenience; it offers a sense of comfort. The parenting journey is riddled with uncertainty, and the fear of making mistakes looms large. Opting for methods that others have successfully employed provides reassurance that I’m on a well-trodden path.
I recognize that I no longer need to stand out. While I still enjoy expressing myself—I’ve swapped my vibrant hair colors for more natural shades—I realize that I can maintain my identity while sharing in common parenting tools with my friends. There’s no virtue in complicating my life unnecessarily, and I’ve learned that there’s no reward for resisting the current.
As I reflect on my journey, my understanding of success has evolved. The aspirations of my youth, filled with dreams of fame and acclaim, have shifted dramatically. Now, my focus is on ensuring my children’s safety, happiness, and health. Embracing the conformist aspects of parenthood has become a significant part of that goal.
Now that I’m a parent, I’ve come to embrace my new identity as a conformist, and I find increasing comfort in it as life unfolds.
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In summary, my transition from a rebellious youth to a content conformist parent has been a surprising yet rewarding journey, ultimately redefining my sense of success and fulfillment.