In the ever-tumultuous world of parenting and career, buzzwords like “work-life balance,” “lean in,” and “having it all” flood our conversations. These phrases, often wielded in the name of empowerment, can feel more like shackles than inspiration. The idea that anyone can genuinely “have it all” is not just unrealistic; it’s fundamentally flawed.
As a dedicated feminist and advocate for systemic changes that allow both women and men to thrive in their careers while raising families, I must assert that the notion of “having it all” is a myth. Yes, I said it—no one can truly have it all. And yet, this idea clings to us like a persistent child, making it difficult to escape its grasp.
It’s evident in the way women hustle at work, striving to “lean in,” while simultaneously feeling the weight of guilt for a messy home or for not volunteering for every available committee. We hear it in the voices of mothers who leave their careers to care for young children, often describing themselves as “just” a stay-at-home mom. The pervasive guilt that accompanies not being able to do it all is suffocating.
This notion that women should achieve perfection in career, family, and personal life places unrealistic expectations on us. We don’t question whether men can “have it all” or expect them to fulfill the same lofty standards. A look at the satirical “Man Who Has It All” social media pages highlights the glaring double standards that exist. Why should women be held to a higher standard?
Moreover, what about the women who, for various reasons, don’t aspire to “have it all” or who simply can’t? Feminism should champion the rights and choices of all women, not just those whose lives align with this narrow definition of success.
Undoubtedly, systemic issues like wage gaps and insufficient parental leave policies make it challenging for women to achieve this so-called “all.” But we also impose pressures on ourselves, believing we must excel in every area. Life is full of choices, and we each have a limited amount of time and energy. Adding more to our plates means something else has to give. Otherwise, we risk dropping everything, much like a toddler spilling juice all over the carpet.
So, let’s put an end to the obsession with “having it all.” It’s crucial to recognize that no one—neither men nor women—can achieve this elusive standard. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal that leads to feelings of inadequacy, let’s focus on valuing caregivers and ensuring that parents receive the support they need. We should advocate for better postpartum care and policies that allow parents to take the necessary time off after welcoming a new child into their lives.
Moreover, it’s time to normalize saying “no” and to give ourselves grace when we can’t juggle every responsibility perfectly. Let’s stop using language like “just” when describing our roles as stay-at-home parents and abandon the categorization of moms as working or non-working. We are parents, full stop.
Life offers a buffet of experiences, and it’s impossible for anyone to have it all. Even if we could, we know the reality—when you try to balance too much, you often end up distracted, cutting pancakes into tiny bites while simultaneously managing a crying baby and coaxing your toddler to finish their meal.
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In conclusion, it’s time to stop the conversation about “having it all” and to embrace the realities of our lives, acknowledging that fulfillment comes from balance and choice rather than perfection.