First and foremost, I want you to know that you will emerge from this experience stronger than you realize. I promise you that.
Right now, it’s difficult to accept my words. Your heart feels shattered, and the shock is overwhelming. You’re terrified, and all you want is for your baby to be alright.
Eight years ago, I found myself in a similar situation. The morning of April 29, 2008, was filled with excitement, like a child on Christmas morning. My partner and I were heading to our anatomy scan, eager to discover our baby’s gender. Everything seemed perfect—I was feeling great, with no morning sickness. That changed dramatically when I heard the words that would forever linger in my mind: “I think I found a problem with your baby’s heart.”
In that moment, I understood that things were not as they should be. I cried uncontrollably, struggling to fathom how something so devastating could happen to us. Wasn’t this something that happened to other families? It felt surreal, and I quickly fell into a deep depression, as all the joy and anticipation evaporated.
The diagnosis was severe: hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS). Our precious baby boy would be born without the left side of his heart.
Our baby boy. The thought of him filled my heart with both joy and dread. As a researcher, I spent countless hours online learning about HLHS, one of the most severe congenital heart defects. Sadly, I began to blame myself.
Please don’t make the same mistake. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s common to wish for a mistake in the diagnosis, to bargain with fate. We did the same, but when we visited one of the top pediatric hospitals in our city, they confirmed the heartbreaking news.
Through this ordeal, I discovered my own strength. No one could take that away from me.
In times like these, you’ll find yourself surrounded by opinions—everyone has something to say about what you should do. “You should consider terminating,” some might suggest, while others urge, “Please don’t terminate.” Smile kindly and remember, this is your decision. It’s your baby, and you know what’s best for both of you.
It’s incredibly painful. The guilt can be overwhelming, and you might find yourself questioning, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is this happening to my baby?”
After much deliberation and research, my partner and I chose to continue with the pregnancy. It was a deeply personal decision, just like yours will be, whether it leans towards termination or continuing. Always remember, you are doing what feels right for you and your baby. Don’t let anyone take that from you.
I regret how I handled the remainder of my pregnancy. I allowed worry and sadness to overshadow my experience. I even left my job, feeling unworthy of enjoying my pregnancy. I was wrong. Thankfully, I met some incredible women facing similar challenges. One told me to stop punishing myself. “Take care of yourself,” she insisted.
I walked into my baby shower with a mix of emotions. I was thrilled to be having a baby, yet heartbroken knowing the struggles he would face. When I returned home to unpack gifts, I shed a few tears, wondering if our son would live to wear the clothes. It’s natural to have such thoughts.
This journey will stay with you, no matter the outcome. But through it all, I found resilience and joy. I learned that women are capable of overcoming anything. I did.
Lean on your support network. Conduct your research. You are not alone. Staying positive can be a challenge, but it’s essential.
Since then, I have welcomed two more children into my life. The worry never fully dissipates, but I’ve come to accept that it’s part of being a parent.
While I cannot change the past, I am grateful. Grateful to be a mom. Grateful for my strength and the support I have. And you have that support too.
I stand with you. You will navigate through this. I promise.
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Summary: This letter offers support to expectant mothers facing difficult medical diagnoses during pregnancy, encouraging them to find strength and make personal choices regarding their circumstances while emphasizing the importance of self-care and community support.