I’ve been grappling with how to share some important thoughts with you. It’s not easy, as I carry a sense of discomfort—discomfort for not fully grasping these issues before they affected my family. I worry about your reactions, fearing subtle signs that you may not be a safe space for my child. I’ve hesitated to voice my concerns, unsure if you would dismiss them, which would only fuel my frustration. But as my son grows from an innocent young boy into a confident young man, I recognize that people will form new assumptions about him, and I need your support to ensure his safety.
We have discussions with our son about navigating the world around him. We talk about showing respect to law enforcement and other figures of authority, keeping his hands visible, and avoiding any actions that might draw unwanted attention, like wearing his hood or taking shortcuts through neighbors’ yards. We’re trying to strike a balance between instilling pride in his identity and preparing him for the fact that not everyone will see him as we do. Some individuals may label him unfairly before even knowing his name, his story, or his potential.
The Importance of Conversations About Racism
Here’s the crux: as much as we strive to shield him and teach him self-defense, there may come a time when your child will be in the picture. I urge you to engage your child in conversations about racism. Talk to them about the biases that exist and what they can do if they witness unfair treatment directed at my son.
It’s easy to adopt a “colorblind” approach when you live in a predominantly white environment, feeling enlightened and progressive. However, promoting colorblindness prevents your children from understanding the unique challenges my son may face. If your conversations imply that racism is a relic of history and showcase our families as examples of harmony, you are inadvertently ignoring the realities of ongoing discrimination. Just because you haven’t experienced blatant racism doesn’t mean it isn’t a daily reality for many.
Real-Life Experiences
It’s hard to fathom a post-racial society when I recently found myself on the phone with my son’s school principal, discussing the racial slurs he was subjected to by a classmate. I appreciated the school’s seriousness in handling it, and I felt a sense of victory in my son being comfortable enough to confide in us, which many children are not. The situation is even more disheartening when a neighbor felt compelled to report my children to Child Protective Services for behaviors identical to those exhibited by their white peers—playing outside, asking for snacks, and enjoying a summer day.
I can’t express the distress it causes children who have been in foster care when a social worker arrives to interview them over baseless claims. While the complaints were dismissed, I know that the neighbor likely doesn’t view themselves as racist. Yet, the double standard—where white children are seen as merely “playing” while children of color are subjected to scrutiny—speaks volumes about underlying biases. This is not concern; it is harassment.
Encouraging Support and Understanding
So, I ask you, please have these crucial discussions with your children. If they see my son being bullied, I hope they will stand by him. They need to recognize how threatening such situations can be and not dismiss them as trivial. If they’re at the park playing soccer and law enforcement arrives, encourage your child to remain close to my son. They should be a witness and foster a climate of respect and understanding.
Please teach your children to treat my son with dignity. Avoid touching his hair out of curiosity or using slang in a misguided attempt at humor. If you’re tempted to make a joke that might be questionable, just don’t. Your children absorb your attitudes, including the humor you share. Be aware of the messages they consume about race in media and engage them in challenging conversations about current events. Don’t shy away from these discussions just because it may feel uncomfortable; they cannot afford to.
Be an Advocate
Be an advocate for this remarkable child who has shared meals in your home, sat next to your child at events, and celebrated birthdays together. He is not an exception, nor will he be shielded by white privilege throughout his life. He is just like any other child, deserving of respect and value, created with purpose. I believe that real change begins when white parents start addressing these pressing issues with their children.
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In Summary
Open dialogues about race and respect are crucial in fostering a safe and nurturing environment for all children. By educating your children and standing against injustice, we can work together to create a more equitable world.