The realm of social media was recently shaken by a viral video featuring men reading a selection of the hurtful tweets directed at two female journalists. These tweets exemplify the pervasive and often brutal harassment that occurs online. I’ve watched this video multiple times, feeling a mix of anger and sorrow as I observed these courageous women endure comments that they’ve become all too familiar with, while the men awkwardly articulated these hurtful words.
Online harassment is not a new phenomenon. As a woman in medicine, I’ve regrettably become accustomed to facing attacks simply for voicing my opinions. Thus, the content of the video came as no surprise to me. What truly infuriates me is our culture’s tacit acceptance of this verbal abuse as a norm in the digital world.
Several friends—predominantly male, but a few female allies as well—reached out to share the video, expressing heartfelt apologies and disbelief: “I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this.” “I can’t fathom what you face when sharing your work online.” “Is this really the reality?” While their intentions were sincere, I remain largely unaffected. If you’re a woman, whether cis or trans, who has spent any time on social media—be it as a doctor or simply as someone with opinions—then you’re all too aware of the vile comments that often promote violence or death.
I’ve faced a barrage of derogatory comments. I’ve been insulted about my appearance and told I would die alone. Some have even cruelly attacked my role as a mother, with one individual suggesting my child would have been better off had I chosen to terminate my pregnancy.
Interestingly, these comments don’t particularly upset me. Perhaps this is a silver lining of having a difficult upbringing with a verbally abusive parent. The words of strangers hold little power over my emotions compared to those of my father.
However, when a close friend shared the video and urged others to imagine they were addressing a woman they loved or respected—like a mother or sister—before making similar comments, I was taken aback. Why must a woman be viewed through the lens of familial ties to be treated with basic human dignity?
A woman should not have to be someone’s wife, mother, or sister to deserve respect and kindness. Men should not feel entitled to treat women they don’t know with cruelty any more than they would towards those they care about. Every woman, regardless of her relationship to you, is a human being deserving of empathy and consideration.
It’s disheartening to think that one must imagine a woman as a loved one to recognize her humanity. It should not require an effort of imagination to treat all women with the respect they inherently deserve.
I understand the rationale behind suggesting that men view women as their mothers or sisters, but I still struggle to see the connection. These familial relationships benefit men directly, whether emotionally or physically. Proposing that men view women through this lens implies that if a woman doesn’t fulfill a man’s needs, she is then subject to disdain and abuse. This flawed reasoning is something I cannot endorse, no matter how well-meaning the intent may be.
The reality is, I am not a wife to anyone, merely one man’s mother, sister, and daughter. My status does not justify the harassment I face online from those who disagree with me or feel angered by my work. Just because I am not someone’s intimate relation does not give anyone the right to subject me to verbal abuse.
In conclusion, it’s essential to recognize that respect and kindness should not be conditional upon one’s relationship to others. Every woman deserves to be treated as a human being, not just in connection to those who know her personally.
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Summary:
The normalization of online harassment is a troubling reality that women face daily. The call to treat women with respect should not hinge on personal relationships. Every woman deserves to be treated with dignity as a human being, regardless of her connection to anyone.