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3-D Lashes, Jamberry & Other Ways to Alienate Facebook Friends
by Jennifer Morrow
Updated: November 23, 2020
Originally Published: May 15, 2016
Hey there! I noticed your friend request pop up on Wednesday. I vaguely remembered you from high school, so I hit accept. Fast forward 19 seconds, and I received a notification that I’d been added to your “Super Special Essentially Sensual Scented Thirty-One Thrive Jamberry Jamboree!” Facebook group. Oh, joy.
Yeah, me and 400 of your closest friends.
Let’s get straight to the point — NO. You seemed nice, or at least you did before I got bombarded with this group invite. I’m not purchasing any of the items you’re promoting. The jewelry, the nails, the skincare, the lifestyle products — I’ve been there, done that. I’ve spent my fair share of cash on these so-called “must-haves,” and guess what? It never ends. I’m done. I don’t even buy from people I genuinely care about anymore, so kindly take your offers elsewhere.
I completely understand your desire for independence and the chance to earn money from home. That’s fantastic! I’m sure your “sisterhood,” as you put it, feels empowering. Just please leave me and my wallet out of it.
I will flip out if I get added to one more Facebook group. Seriously, what’s with all these groups? Am I a friend or just another potential customer? No means no. I don’t want to attend yet another party in my neighborhood and engage in awkward small talk with someone I’m pretty sure I cut off in the carpool line earlier. All while you pressure me into buying a purse I’ll never use, simply because I indulged in your spicy Buffalo chicken dip. Again. And sorry, but telling me there will be “plenty of drinks” isn’t a convincing selling point. I can drink at home without having to wear pants.
Oh, and let’s talk about those 3-D lashes. No, thank you. They remind me of a tarantula exhibit, and I’m not interested. I’ve heard about your body wrap claims – if one worked for you, great. But let’s be real; Spanx work just as well, and I can order them without leaving my couch.
I’m not interested in skincare trials. I could slap Elmer’s glue on my face for 30 days and see a difference if I wanted to. I have Photoshop as well. I’m sticking with my Olay from the grocery store, thanks — just now I have to navigate the aisles like a ninja to avoid running into you with your “amazing opportunity” to host one of these parties.
But what really bothers me isn’t the products or the parties; it’s the manipulation of friendships to recruit new members. It feels like you’re selling your friends, and it all seems like a coconut-scented pyramid scheme, no matter how cute the packaging looks. This is just my opinion, of course — feel free to tell me I’m wrong! I’d love to hear about the success stories and how much money you’re raking in. Also, I’m curious; how much have you spent in the process?
In conclusion, if I receive one more Jamberry party invite, I might just “Jamberry” my foot where the sun doesn’t shine. So, good chat. Bye for now.
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In short, if you’re looking for ways to maintain friendships and avoid those awkward sales pitches, focus on genuine connections rather than product promotions.