In today’s world, it’s essential to recognize the language we use, especially when it concerns children of different races. I often find myself reflecting on the interactions my daughters have with others. From flight attendants to strangers in grocery stores, it seems that everyone feels entitled to claim my daughters as their “Girlfriend.” Yes, you heard that right—complete strangers, like a barista at a local café or even our pediatrician, often refer to my girls with a familiarity that feels misplaced.
Now, let me clarify—I have no doubt that these individuals approach my daughters with kindness. Positive intentions matter, but so does the language we choose. At the grocery store or the park, you rarely hear the same casual nickname being thrown around for white girls. Instead, people tend to ask for their names and use them.
When I express my discomfort about strangers calling my daughters “Girlfriend,” I often encounter resistance. Some friends wonder why I’m overthinking it. One even mentioned her habit of calling girls “Mamacita,” believing it harmless. But this isn’t just about individual quirks; it’s about a broader societal issue. I can assure you that if you were to ask a mother of Black girls how often her daughters are called “Girlfriend” by strangers, she would likely lose count.
This seemingly innocent term can be seen as both goofy and inappropriate. While it might seem harmless at first, it carries a weight that diminishes the importance of establishing genuine connections. Referring to someone as your “Girlfriend” implies a relationship that simply isn’t there yet, disregarding the boundaries that should exist. It’s akin to the careless act of touching a Black woman’s hair without permission, which ignores the need for mutual respect and recognition of personal space.
It’s crucial that we teach our children to assert their own boundaries rather than accept unwarranted familiarity. So, let me take a moment to say what needs to be said: Stop.
I understand that your intentions are good and that you likely want to befriend my child. However, I urge you to reconsider how you address her. If you don’t know her name, it’s a reminder that you aren’t friends yet. Building a relationship requires seeing her as a human being first, not as a “Girlfriend.” For more insights on topics related to parenting and race, check out this post from our blog.
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In summary, let’s be mindful of how we interact with children, particularly those from different backgrounds. By addressing them by their names and respecting their boundaries, we foster a more inclusive and understanding environment.
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