As I sat with my young son the other evening, he proudly announced he had crafted an amazing card for me for “Valentine’s Day.” “At school,” he clarified, his face lighting up. “I made you a really awesome card for Mudder’s Day.”
His excitement was contagious, filtering through the mundane chaos of everyday life. Nothing—absolutely nothing—could dim the joy of Mudder’s Day, Valentine’s Day, or any holiday he might have mistakenly combined.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I too experienced that same bright enthusiasm for holidays. Mother’s Day shimmered with an enchanting glow, filled with dandelion bouquets, glittery crafts, and the whimsical joy of being celebrated. My upbringing was relatively idyllic, and the idea that Mother’s Day might harbor sadness or complexity never crossed my mind. It felt as impossible as the notion that the Easter Bunny could be related to Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
However, as I’ve matured and gained a broader perspective, I have become painfully aware of how complicated Mother’s Day can be for many women. For some, it is as serene and beautiful as the commercials portray; for others, it is heavy with sorrow, longing, and the weight of unfulfilled dreams. Mother’s Day can often feel like a muddy trek through emotional landscapes.
While I once believed in the idyllic image of motherhood, I now recognize the deeper truths that lie beneath the surface. Friends grieve the loss of their mothers, whether it’s their first Mother’s Day without them or they’ve navigated decades without maternal guidance. Many women face the heartache of infertility or miscarriage, while others may feel alone in their motherhood journey without a partner to share the responsibilities. Complicated relationships with mothers can further complicate this day, alongside the heartbreak of mothers who have lost their children far too soon.
I won’t pretend to fully understand the depth of pain some experience on this day. Sure, I’ve faced my share of disappointments on Mother’s Day and other significant occasions, but my experiences pale in comparison to the profound struggles of others. I am fortunate to have a supportive mother and a partner who consistently makes me feel valued, not just on special occasions but every day.
I cannot fathom the ache of losing a child or the burden of unresolved grief. I’ve experienced the sting of infertility, but that chapter is behind me now. I recognize that many of you might be grappling with complex emotions this time of year, emotions that coexist alongside love and gratitude.
I won’t offer well-meaning platitudes or clichés. You don’t need another article about maternal love; you’ve likely read plenty, and I’ve authored my share too. You don’t require advice on how to grieve or heal because you already know your path.
What I want to convey is simple: I see you, and I hear you.
I see the sadness reflected in your eyes, and I hear the undercurrents of regret in your voice. I witness the way your loved one’s absence is felt in the laughter of their grandchildren. I recognize the fierce love you have for the child you hold close because of the one you’ve lost. I hear you linger on the phone, drawn into memories that are both precious and painful. I see the way you show your nieces and nephews the love that sometimes gets lost in the busy routines of parenthood. I hear your silence when conversations inevitably turn to motherhood and the complexities that come with it.
While I may not share your specific experiences or understand the deep emotions you carry, please know that you are acknowledged, and your feelings are valid.
Happy Mudder’s Day. Happy Muddy Day. Happy Valentine’s Day, if that resonates with you. Just remember, you are seen, you are heard, and above all, you are loved.
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Summary
This piece acknowledges the complexities of Mother’s Day for many, recognizing that it can be filled with joy, grief, and mixed emotions. While celebrating motherhood, it also honors those who face challenges during this time, offering support and validation for their experiences.