There are those who seem to have mastered the art of parenting. They arrive at school drop-off impeccably groomed, with hair perfectly styled and makeup flawless. They shower daily, wear matching outfits, and submit permission slips ahead of schedule. They are the early birds of the parenting world.
And then there are the rest of us.
If you’re wondering whether you fall into the procrastinator parent category, here are some telltale signs:
- You only fill your gas tank once the warning light flickers, then push your luck by driving another twenty miles.
- Your car has run out of gas on more than one occasion—definitely not a badge of honor.
- Vacation planning is a last-minute scramble, leading to staycations by default when time runs out.
- Your hair is still damp at 5:30 PM, right when your partner walks in, because you only just hopped in the shower.
- Your carpool buddies know you as the mom who shows up in pajamas and curses at every red light.
- By the time you remember to buy Valentine’s candy, Easter items are already on display.
- You exclusively purchase belated birthday cards.
- You wait until the last moment to mail that water bill, only to find an ominous notice on your door.
- Holiday lights remain up long enough to be covered in spring flowers, forcing you to consider them a pre-emptive decoration for next year.
- By the time you embrace the latest fashion, it’s already considered retro.
- You tidy up only when unexpected guests arrive, hastily shoving clutter into closets.
- Laundry piles up until everything has been worn twice (or more) and then sprayed with Febreze.
- You finish books just after the book club has shared their thoughts.
- You interpret “five minutes late” as being right on time.
- With Amazon Prime, you order everything from birthday presents to essential household items just half an hour before you need them.
- You can easily lose hours researching trivial matters while an important work project looms.
- Your version of exercise is dashing to catch the commuter train each morning.
- You remember to schedule your annual exams only after running out of crucial supplies.
- Your library fines for overdue books often exceed your latest credit card bill.
- A fridge containing only a half-eaten jar of jam and some questionable pickles signals that it’s grocery shopping time.
- You celebrated your 10th wedding anniversary a whole eleven years after tying the knot.
- When finally making date night plans, the only available table is for the early bird special at 5:15—perfect since you’ll both be asleep by 9:30 anyway.
If you’re one of those organized parents, we commend you! You’re an inspiration. But if you identify as a procrastinator parent, take heart. You’re in good company, and there are benefits to your laid-back approach. Just remember, oh no—look at the time! You’re late to pick up your kids from school!
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Summary: This piece humorously explores the traits of procrastinator parents through a doctor’s lens, highlighting relatable scenarios while offering reassurance that many share in the struggle. The article also provides links to resources on home insemination and fertility.