Let me paint a picture for you: I’m just a mom with a flip phone, standing here, hoping you’ll see the charm in my old-school tech choice.
I can already guess what’s on your mind. Yes, I reside near Lancaster, Pennsylvania, but no, I’m not Amish. Interestingly, I know quite a few Anabaptists who are probably cruising around in their horse-drawn buggies, contemplating the purchase of the latest tech gadgets, like the new Apple Watch. While the Amish do prefer to keep their cell phones away from their homes, it’s amusing to note that they’ve got some pretty sophisticated devices tucked away in the barn.
Picture me on my trusty flip phone, reaching out to a local construction business owned by an Amish family:
Me: Hi there! I’d like to arrange for a shed to be built in my backyard.
Mr. Miller: Sure thing! We’re currently busy, but could you text me the shed dimensions?
Me: Uh, I’m not great at texting. Would it be possible to email you instead?
Mr. Miller: Email? That’s a bit old-fashioned for most of us here. Maybe my cousin in Ohio uses it, but she’s a bit behind the times.
My flip phone does have some texting functionality. With a bit of perseverance, I can manage to type out “Whem r u goimg tm be hme?” or “thnx fr te brTHDYm eSSAG!!!%%.” However, whenever I hear that cheerful “ding!” signaling a new message, my heart races. Will it be another question? Will I need to type an address? What if it requires numbers? The anxiety of texting feels endless.
It’s entirely possible that I’ll grow old with a flip phone in hand, still struggling to text “415 East 23rd Street.”
So, what am I, you might wonder? Some sort of technological doofus? Yes, I’ll admit it, and I take no offense. My flip phone obsession started largely due to the staggering prices of smartphones. Even if the phone is free, the service plan costs a fortune, and with three kids who all want smartphones (even though they’d argue that a flip phone doesn’t count), I often find myself choosing between a phone bill and other essentials like heat and running water.
Now, you might tell me about a budget-friendly smartphone plan, and I appreciate the suggestion. But there are other reasons I remain a flip phone devotee. For instance, I struggle to keep up with the various ways people try to communicate with me. Some text, others leave voicemails, and a handful prefer Facebook messages.
Then there are the parents who corner me in the school lobby and deliver a 500-word monologue about the upcoming bake sale, complete with dates, times, and how many cupcakes I need to prepare. By around word 24, my mind goes blank, and I find myself daydreaming of an escape where I won’t be roped into volunteering ever again—amen to that.
I’ve learned to be upfront about my shortcomings. “I’m a doofus and tend to forget things easily,” I admit. “Also, I’m not an Anabaptist. Could you please email me all this extensive information instead? I promise to read it later when my panic has subsided.” Most people are pretty understanding and dig out their email accounts to humor me—though I must say, the Amish construction worker remains a notable exception.
Another reason I haven’t upgraded to a smartphone is that it’s practically a tradition for me to drop my phone in a creek while hiking or accidentally run over it with my car. Or I’ll simply toss my purse, and my phone will fly out, skidding across a parking lot and exploding like confetti in celebration of my clumsiness. That’s a lot easier to handle when the phone only set me back $9.
Above all, despite my outdated cellphone choice, I consider myself a screen addict. Using a flip phone means I spend at least part of my day unplugged, looking around, and engaging with the world beyond the screen. Honestly, I’m already adept at walking into walls and smashing my nose, so I don’t need any technology to assist me in that department.
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So, there you have it. While I may seem like a technological doofus, I embrace my flip phone lifestyle and the unique experiences it brings.
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