As a pediatrician, I often hear from sleep-deprived parents who feel like they’ve hit a wall. I remember when my first child, Noah, would only doze off if I held him upright, cradled like a football. My partner, Sarah, and I divided the night into shifts; she typically took the early hours until around 3 a.m., while I took over afterward. We spent many late nights half-awake, staring blankly at the TV, yearning for a miracle solution to help our little one sleep. Like many parents, we tried everything.
Initially, we implemented the “cry it out” approach, touted as the go-to method for restless babies. Let me tell you, it’s one of the toughest things I had to endure as a parent. Sarah and I debated the merits for weeks—she felt it was harsh while I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I was still in med school, working full-time, and I often found myself dozing off on public transport, waking up in unfamiliar places. “I can’t keep doing this,” I finally admitted.
Ultimately, we decided to give it a shot. We placed Noah in his crib and let him cry. I offered comfort intermittently, but I didn’t pick him up. After three long nights of listening to my baby wail, I nearly broke down myself. There’s something heart-wrenching about hearing your child cry while feeling powerless. I’ll concede, it worked—he started sleeping soundly for about a week. Then, disaster struck: he contracted a nasty bug, and everything went haywire—both physically and emotionally.
Once he recovered, he was back in my arms at night. Surprisingly, I didn’t mind as much. Holding him was far less painful than the agony of hearing him cry, so we never tried that method again.
Fast forward nine years, and my approach has shifted significantly. Now, we have three kids—two daughters and a son—and I’ve never resorted to letting them cry it out. We’ve experimented with countless strategies to help them sleep. We tried to establish a consistent bedtime routine, but life often got in the way.
We explored using essential oils, which had about the same effect as snake oil. We attempted to skip naps, which felt like running a marathon while managing a cranky child. We’d wait until they showed signs of sleepiness, only to have to drop everything—like dinner or work commitments—to wrestle a squirming toddler into sleep.
We even applied various aromatherapy lotions, hoping they’d induce calm. Instead, the kids often giggled and became even more hyper. What frustrated me most was hearing other parents rave about their miraculous sleep solutions. Each time one failed for us, I couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong with my kids.
My middle child, Lily, would only fall asleep in her high chair, with soft music playing and no one around. It was odd, but I reassured Sarah that she wouldn’t still be sleeping in her high chair at college. I was right; by the time they reached ages 9 and 6, our two oldest were going to bed at a reasonable hour. Sure, they fought bedtime, dragging their feet and arguing, but by 8:30 p.m., they were usually down.
Then there’s our youngest, Mia, who requires a specific routine to drift off. I have to play a Baby Einstein lullaby video on repeat, clear the room, and hold her on the couch for about an hour—sometimes longer. It’s become a bizarre ritual where I feel like I’m caught in a strange dream, watching the same images flash by while I think, “The train moves in a circle. I get it now.”
During those long nights, I remind myself that both older kids eventually learned to sleep through the night. It took longer than I’d hoped, and there were many moments when Sarah and I exchanged exasperated words, typical of exhausted parents. But I remember telling her not to worry about Lily sleeping in her high chair forever.
As much as I crave a good night’s sleep, I’ve realized that my children took their time figuring out sleep. The only true solution was patience. For those of you parenting restless little ones, take heart. Your children will eventually find their rhythm. There is hope, and you’ll see the light at the end of this exhausting tunnel. While countless advice and tricks may or may not yield results, the most effective tools are unconditional love and time. You definitely have those in abundance.
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