It all starts with excitement. “Congratulations on your pregnancy!” I beam, despite feeling a bit queasy. The conversation flows through questions about the baby’s gender, due date, and names, but then it takes a turn into an uncomfortable territory laden with judgment.
“Have you thought about how you’ll deliver?” or “Do you have a birth plan?” are typical inquiries. Anyone who has given birth knows these questions often lack substance. Rarely does a delivery unfold as envisioned, which is why I often brush off these queries from those without firsthand experience. However, it’s the parents who’ve been through it that can be more challenging to navigate. Many seem to push the idea of “going natural” onto others, often because they themselves had that experience and feel compelled to share. It sometimes feels like a new trend—will I soon get a Facebook invite for a natural childbirth seminar, complete with essential oils and breathing tapes?
I find myself weary of these discussions about my delivery preferences. Why is there a need for a clear visual? More importantly, I’m not here to give you the answer you desire. You might want to hear about my Lamaze classes and Kegel exercises, but the truth is, I’m opting for an epidural. When I share this, the atmosphere shifts; I can see the mixed feelings of disappointment and condescension in your eyes.
“Oh, I see,” you respond, dripping with judgment. “Have you thought about natural alternatives?” and then the classic, “Your body was made for this. You should embrace it.”
Hold on—this is where I draw the line. If that’s your main argument, you might as well go sit in the corner with my son while he contemplates his actions. My body is equipped for plenty of things—digesting food, enduring menopause, and eventually, mortality. Should I embrace all of these too?
You may continue with, “Women have been giving birth since the dawn of time. Anesthesia is a modern invention. Our ancestors managed through labor just fine!” Really? Have you met my grandmother? I can assure you, if she’d had the option of an epidural during her labor, she wouldn’t have turned it down for the sake of feeling “natural.” Back to the corner for you!
The only way I might experience a natural birth is if I’m unable to reach the hospital in time, the anesthesiologist decides to take a vacation, or if my partner locks me in place and insists, “No epidural for you!” It’s a possibility—labor can make people act strangely.
Ultimately, this is my baby’s debut, and I’m merely an essential guest at the event. I truly admire those who have natural births. I’ve been through childbirth once and the pain was so intense that I found myself in a state of despair, pleading for relief. I needed that epidural more than I’ve ever needed anything else. Those who endure such pain without assistance are remarkable.
Sure, I sometimes entertain the idea that maybe my second experience will be less painful, but why wouldn’t I take advantage of the modern medical technology available? Life presents enough challenges; childbirth doesn’t need to be one of them.
There are many aspects of motherhood to embrace, but for me, intentionally forgoing the epidural isn’t one of them. It’s clear that my body doesn’t quite operate the same way as others might.
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In summary, my approach to childbirth may differ from others, and I have no plans to follow a “natural” path. I believe in utilizing the benefits of modern medicine to make the experience as manageable as possible.