“Breast is Best.” This statement can ignite intense debates among new mothers. I was unaware of the so-called “Mommy Wars” until I found myself searching online for answers regarding breastfeeding. It’s a tricky landscape for a mother who is uncertain about her breastfeeding journey.
To provide some context, here’s a candid response I sent to a close friend who, after my first week of motherhood, simply asked, “How’s it going?”
Exhausting. My baby is latched on 24/7, to the point where I sometimes forget to cover up. My partner, Alex, jokingly asked if I was giving her strawberry milk. “No, dear, that’s blood. Blood from my sore nipples.” She struggles to sleep for more than 15 minutes unless she’s on my chest. She’s gassy all day but won’t have a proper poop. My hormones are all over the place. I cried after finally getting a shower (and I usually dread them), and then I cried because the house still smelled like breakfast. What is happening?
Yet, in those fleeting moments when she gazes up at me or when my older child, Mia, rushes to comfort her, I realize how much my life has changed.
I was a mess. Breastfeeding took a toll not just physically, but emotionally. The challenges of getting a good latch were overwhelming, and the pain, blisters, and open wounds made me question the idea of breastfeeding being the “most natural way to nourish” my child. More than the physical pain, it was the emotional exhaustion that left me feeling disconnected from my daughter. I was anxious about her bond with her father and worried that she was never truly satisfied. Honestly, during those breastfeeding sessions, I struggled to connect with her, which led to endless tears.
While pregnant, I had told myself not to stress about breastfeeding. I was formula-fed, and I turned out just fine. My initial goal was to breastfeed solely for the cost-saving benefits and potential weight loss. Yet, when it came time to nurse, the pressures of getting it right consumed me. I lost myself in the process—all because of my breasts.
At the two-week mark, I finally reached my breaking point. I decided to quit. I packed away all the nipple pads, creams, pumps, and bras. Instead, I purchased formula and prepared a bottle. She took it eagerly, ate two ounces, and then slept for three glorious hours. I stopped crying. She stopped crying. Alex even canceled his trip to Mexico. It was a transformative moment for our new family of three.
Now, I adore my little one with a love that feels boundless. I have no doubt she’ll flourish in life. In fact, when she’s 20, off at college, enjoying late-night Taco Bell and Busch Light, I know those antibodies I thought she needed won’t matter a bit.
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Summary:
Navigating motherhood is a chaotic yet beautiful experience, especially when it comes to breastfeeding. The emotional and physical toll can be overwhelming, leading some mothers to reconsider their choices. Ultimately, finding the right path for you and your child is what truly matters.