Summer of 1974: At the age of 9, I was up and out of the house by 7:30 a.m. If it was Saturday, I was busy doing whatever my dad, Big Tom, instructed—raking leaves, mowing the lawn, digging holes, or washing the family car.
Fast forward to this summer: I’m stealthily leaving my home to head to work, hoping not to wake my children, who will likely sleep until noon. They may tackle a few tasks from the chore list I left on the kitchen counter, or they may opt for stale snacks left in their rooms days ago to avoid the kitchen and conveniently “not see” the list.
It’s hard to ignore the fact that modern parenting often feels like a losing battle. When did adults start prioritizing their children’s safety, happiness, and social status? I can assure you that my parents, Tom and Ginny, didn’t spend their time worrying about whether my brother and I felt fulfilled. Dad was busy working hard to save for retirement, and Mom was securing the house so we could play outside while she chatted on the phone and enjoyed her cigarettes.
We roamed freely, riding bikes to neighborhoods far and wide, often with scrapes and bruises from our adventures. Nobody batted an eye. Kids were expected to be out of the house, preferably serving as free labor when needed.
I believe the same person who thought it necessary to give party favors to 4-year-olds is the one who convinced us that our kids should be our priority rather than the other way around. Remember your childhood Halloween costumes? If you were fortunate, your mom turned an old sheet into a ghost costume with a pair of scissors. If her friend dropped by, you might end up with a costume that had one eye hole too low, resulting in a hilarious mishap like my cousin running into a parked car while yelling “Trick or treat!”
Contrast that with my 3-year-old son’s clown costume, custom-made with a pointy hat and grease paint, purchased by his grandmother for far more than my prom dress cost.
Over the past couple of decades, the dynamic has shifted; parents seem to be getting the short end of the stick while their kids enjoy an extravagant lifestyle. We spend lavishly on private lessons and premium sports gear, often neglecting our financial futures in the process. I’ve been guilty of this as well, investing in expensive baseball bats and driving my kids to countless games and competitions without considering why I was doing it. Remember legends like Hank Aaron? He didn’t need a fancy bat to excel. Your child is unlikely to go pro, and neither is mine, but we will retire someday, and let’s be honest—dumpster diving isn’t a viable plan for old age.
Think back to your childhood wardrobe. I can still recall desperately wanting a pair of authentic Converse shoes, only to receive a cheap knockoff instead. Did I complain? No way! I survived.
Today, kids are dressed in outfits that cost more than my monthly bills. Back in our day, designer baby clothes were unheard of; our parents were too focused on saving for their futures to splurge on clothes destined for spit-up. Now, these kids will graduate into a job market that won’t allow them to afford the luxuries they’ve come to expect, so guess who gets the call when they can’t pay rent? That’s right, us.
Who did the housework and yard maintenance when you were a kid? You did. In fact, that was a big reason some people chose to have kids. My mom supervised the chores, and we knew the house had to be spotless before Dad got home from work. Nowadays, cleaning services and landscaping crews handle those tasks, and many teenagers have never even mowed a lawn.
I don’t remember anyone worrying about my “stressful workload.” My parents had much bigger concerns. My teenage years were spent managing my own social life without parental intervention. If I faced criticism from friends, my mother was oblivious, and nobody ever called my teachers or coaches on my behalf.
High school used to be a test run for adulthood, where we learned the value of hard work and responsibility. We took jobs to afford the things we wanted. Today, teenagers drive cars that many adults can’t afford, often gifted by their parents without any effort on their part.
These new cars don’t come with engaging stories. I tell my kids about the days spent in old, clunky vehicles that led to hilarious mishaps rather than mundane drives in a shiny SUV.
Most of these kids head to college without ever having faced the job hunt, often landing jobs through family connections rather than their own efforts. We all love our children and want them to be happy, but I worry we’re depriving them of the experiences that foster resilience and independence. Most of what we had as teenagers, we earned through hard work and patience.
It seems we’re giving our kids everything, perhaps to ease our own guilt as parents. However, there’s a crucial lesson: you can’t truly appreciate what you haven’t worked for. The challenges we faced helped us develop negotiation skills, learn that life isn’t always fair, and become problem solvers. I fear our kids are leaving high school with their parents on speed dial instead of the skills they truly need.
We’re more reluctant to let our children face challenges, fearing they might go without or fail. The reality is, all the material gifts we provide will eventually fade, wear out, or lose value. While many parents pride themselves on providing their kids with everything, I am concerned about what we may have taken away from them in the process.
Conclusion
In conclusion, delayed gratification is an essential lesson that our children are missing out on. It teaches persistence and the ability to recognize true value. If you want to learn more about home insemination and related topics, check out this excellent resource on the subject. For those seeking to boost fertility naturally, Make a Mom has some great information. And if you’re looking for comprehensive support for pregnancy, Mount Sinai is a fantastic resource.