Dear Restoration Hardware,
As a company that specializes in consumer goods, I can only assume you appreciate receiving feedback from your market. I recently perused your latest baby & child catalog, and I must say, it is absolutely breathtaking—so stylish and luxurious. However, it feels like it weighs as much as a newborn!
As I flipped through each exquisite page, which made my holiday card stock feel like coarse sandpaper, I found myself with a few pressing questions.
- First off, how does your team feel about day drinking? After examining your prices, I couldn’t help but wonder if your marketing team might be indulging in some spirits—perhaps even with a side of hallucinogens!
- Also, where do you host your focus groups? Is it in a luxury pod in Beverly Hills, the Spelling Mansion, or on the set of The Real Housewives?
Yet, despite the absurdity, I find myself captivated—it’s like witnessing a car crash made of custom tufted silks.
I did take note of a few specific items that intrigued me for discussion.
The Nursery Section
Let’s begin with the nursery section. Although I’ve moved past that stage in my life, I recognize there’s a market eager for fresh inspiration.
Restoration Hardware, your offerings opened my eyes! I had always thought my taste leaned toward the sensible and shabby chic, but now I see I’ve overlooked the “Royal Infant, Salute to Will and Kate” theme. Fascinating, indeed! Here are a couple of questions for you:
- Do you find it peculiar that a crib costs more than what I paid for my first Manhattan apartment? Or is that just me?
- If my child’s personal butler is on holiday when my order arrives, will you assist in setting it up? Is concierge service an additional fee?
Also, why not consider launching a clothing line? Clearly, we can’t have a casually dressed child residing in such an opulent space. Would a toddler in a standard onesie combust upon entering such a room? It’s a thought!
And that ceiling lamp—is that genuine lead crystal? The one within reach of a toddler in a crib? I’m just trying to gauge the potential damage a glass-related incident could cause.
Lighting Options
Moving on to lighting—so many options!
Your collection brings me some relief. I was genuinely concerned about ensuring my children have the right lighting to determine which variety of Goldfish crackers they’re munching on. Additionally, it’s essential for tea parties to feature as much crystal as possible. And bonus! It works well with my son’s light saber adventures around the house.
Before I finalize my order, just a few follow-up inquiries:
- Can I put these on hold while I consult my insurance agent about increasing personal liability coverage?
- How is the child in the photo coping with the apparent lack of furniture? Does she understand her parents spent all their money on light fixtures, leaving her to sit on a pillow? She seems to be managing, but the padded walls do raise some concerns. Is she okay, or is she jotting down her feelings in a journal that may reveal years of suppressed resentment?
Furnishings for Relaxation
Lastly, I appreciate your resolution of a pressing concern—what furnishings can help my children unwind?
Restoration Hardware, your Vintage Cigar Leather Sofa is a game-changer. Without it, my kids would have to endure the indignities of sitting on adult furniture after a long day of play. Where else would they strategize their global adventures? I can’t have them on the floor while watching Disney Junior!
Plus, the leather is ideal for wiping off spills and blending in any stray marker marks. It truly is a lifesaver, and at just under $2,000, its practicality is a revelation! How have we survived without this?
Another thought crossed my mind: as a mom of toddlers, my time-out chair sees a lot of action. But how can I ensure my child comprehends the gravity of the situation?
With the Orbit Spitfire Chair, of course!
Here, my misbehaving little one will be contained while plotting his next move. He’ll know I mean business because I didn’t opt for the velvet version. Nope! He’ll be using the basic upholstered model that lacks built-in speakers. Now that’s sending a message!
As I concluded my journey through your catalog, I found it to be quite an education—not just in decor, but also in home equity loans. I sincerely hope you consider issuing seasonal editions, providing me with fresh decor aspirations throughout the year.
In closing, congratulations on producing a line that makes Pottery Barn Kids appear reasonable and affordable—a remarkable achievement! Thank you in advance for addressing my inquiries. If you ever venture into creating strollers that outshine my 2010 car, please add me to your mailing list. I must stay informed!
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Summary
In my open letter to Restoration Hardware Baby & Child, I express my bewilderment and amusement at the exorbitant prices and luxurious offerings in their catalog. While I admire the aesthetic appeal, I raise questions about pricing, practicality, and the implications of such opulence for young families. Ultimately, this experience has been enlightening, and I hope for continued innovation in their product lines.