“What’s on your mind, dear?” my partner asked.
I paused for a moment, contemplating whether to delve into the whirlwind of thoughts that occupied my mind or to provide my usual, surface-level response that would keep things light.
“Not much, really,” I replied, a small untruth slipping from my lips.
In reality, my mind was racing with a myriad of thoughts. I couldn’t pinpoint what exactly I was thinking when he checked in, but the moments leading up to his question had been filled with a flurry of concerns and to-dos.
What was occupying my mind? Everything and nothing at the same time. I need to pick up a new supply of contacts before our trip on Monday. Did I pay the babysitter enough last week? My child isn’t eating enough greens. I missed that writing deadline again. Do I need to consult my doctor about this anxiety? Speaking of which, does my son need his vaccines? I should probably reach out to the pediatrician for updated records. Did I enroll him for school next year? He definitely needs new clothes now that he’s grown.
Oh no, the laundry! I forgot to transfer it to the dryer.
Note to self: search for baby-friendly veggie recipes, update the grocery list, call the doctor, contact my editor, and oh—sniff the laundry before moving it; it might need a second wash.
I miss my little one. I can’t wait to pick him up from the grandparents. I hope he’s having a great day.
And that’s what I shared with him, just the tip of the iceberg.
This is what many moms experience, a phenomenon often referred to as the “mental load.” It explains why so many of us feel drained, even when we’re spending the day at home. For those juggling work, it can feel even more overwhelming.
When you ask a mom friend how she’s doing, her response is often, “Tired.” This fatigue isn’t solely due to lack of sleep; there’s a deeper layer involved. My partner comes home from work each day, and I want to ease his burdens, so I genuinely ask about his day. But in the background, my mental hamster wheel is constantly spinning.
Fellow moms, you understand this, right? Because if we forget the laundry, who will remember? If we skip the vegetables, our little ones might not get their needed nutrients. Doctor’s appointments, prescription refills, packing lists for vacations—these are all part of the invisible checklist we carry in our minds.
Acknowledging this mental load is important. It’s not necessarily negative, but recognizing its existence can help us understand why we feel exhausted even when it seems like we haven’t accomplished much.
Moms, you are amazing. You hold everything together in ways that often go unnoticed. But perhaps we don’t have to shoulder all of this alone. The next time someone asks you, “What’s on your mind?” consider sharing your thoughts. Lighten the mental load, even if just for a moment. If they don’t quite get it, reach out to another mom instead.
Though the burden may be invisible, it can be quite heavy. Let’s foster open conversations and support one another.
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In summary, emotional labor plays a significant role in the exhaustion many mothers experience, extending beyond just a lack of sleep. The mental load we carry is substantial, and recognizing it can lead to more supportive relationships and better self-care practices.