As I approach the final weeks of my pregnancy with my second child, my noticeable baby bump makes it clear that I’m nearing the finish line, accompanied by the physical challenges that come with this stage. Everyday activities like walking, sitting, and even breathing feel monumental. Amidst this, I frequently hear the well-meaning, yet often disingenuous, phrase from friends and family: “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” Honestly, I’m calling nonsense on that.
Having gone through this journey before with my first child, I was initially dazzled by the multitude of people who offered their assistance. It was heartwarming to see so many willing to support me during what I anticipated would be a life-altering transition. But the reality is stark: most of those offers were just empty words.
I understand the importance of community when raising children. It took me a significant amount of time to identify my support system, which was crucial for maintaining my well-being as a parent. However, much of that journey involved distinguishing between those who genuinely wanted to help and those who were merely filling the silence with polite gestures.
Some offers of help were indeed sincere, and I formed lasting friendships because I accepted those offers. Yet, I also encountered numerous disappointments: friends who flaked when I needed a listening ear, playdates that fell through, and family members who promised to be involved but failed to follow through. The emotional sting of these experiences felt like a double blow—not just a personal rejection, but a slight against my growing family.
Now, as I prepare to welcome my second child, I find myself wary of the same people who disappointed me previously. I also approach new acquaintances with caution. Can I trust their offers of help? Are they genuine?
So, I implore you: please refrain from offering assistance unless you truly mean it. If your intention is merely to sound sympathetic or alleviate your own guilt, you’re not doing me any favors. In fact, it complicates things further. When I finally muster the courage to reach out, your retraction will only lead to awkwardness for both of us.
Instead of offering empty words, consider saying something simple like “Congratulations” or “Wishing you the best.” These phrases are kind and don’t come with any strings attached. This way, we can both go about our lives without me needing to keep a mental tally of who I can turn to for real support.
I have now identified my reliable support network for when the going gets tough. Whether it’s postpartum depression, challenges with colic, or breastfeeding difficulties, I know who to call. Many new mothers haven’t yet found their tribe and may have to navigate these lessons the hard way. Reaching out for help is a monumental step—admitting one needs assistance is never easy.
When a new mom reaches out during what feels like an overwhelming crisis, don’t be the person who decides it’s not the right time to step out of your comfort zone. The question is simple: will you answer the phone when she calls? If the answer is no, then please don’t offer help.
And remember: “Congratulations! Best of luck!”
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Summary
In the final weeks of pregnancy, it’s important to recognize the sincerity behind offers of help. Many well-meaning individuals may say they want to assist, but not all are genuine. New mothers need reliable support networks, and empty offers can create more confusion and disappointment. A simple “Congratulations” suffices if you’re not prepared to help, allowing new moms to seek out those who will truly be there for them.