It’s been nearly 12 years since I tied the knot, and the confusion around my last name continues to baffle friends, family, and colleagues. Despite the passage of time, people still grapple with how to address me. Should they use my husband’s surname? A hyphenated version combining our names? Some unfamiliar hybrid?
In this modern era, it remains somewhat unusual for a woman to retain her maiden name after marriage. I often hear questions about my decision, including concerns about how it might affect our children. I’ve even had women nervously inquire whether my husband was upset about my choice, while some men assert they could never allow their wives to keep their original names.
So why the uproar? To me, it’s quite straightforward: this is my name, and I have no intention of changing it. Here are my reasons:
1. Marriage Doesn’t Mean Losing Identity
I married my husband, James, because of the love and respect we share, not to become an extension of him. Our relationship thrives on the unique strengths we each bring. Giving up my name feels like relinquishing part of who I am.
2. My Name is My Heritage
My name has been my identity for my entire life, representing my history and family background. I’ve worked hard to establish a reputation that I cherish. Why should I abandon that simply because I fell in love? I wasn’t waiting to be saved; I was a fully formed individual, worthy of recognition.
3. Tradition Isn’t a Strong Argument
The most frequent argument against retaining my name revolves around tradition. “It’s how it’s always been done,” they say. However, just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s logical or necessary. For example, we also have the quirky tradition of presidential turkey pardons every Thanksgiving—cute, but not essential.
4. Different Last Names Don’t Diminish Family
My husband has his name, I have mine, and our children have a hyphenated surname combining both. This diversity doesn’t make us any less of a family. In fact, explaining our naming choice to our kids is simpler than justifying why everyone shares Dad’s name. Their names reflect both of us.
5. I Don’t Expect Him to Change His Name
I wouldn’t dream of asking James to adopt my surname or hyphenate it. Why should I be pressured to do so? If both partners agree to share a name, that’s wonderful, but it should never be an obligation.
6. James Was Completely Supportive
One of the many reasons I adore James is his easygoing nature. He never pressured me to adopt his surname and didn’t seem to care what others thought. His confidence in our relationship means that my choice of name doesn’t affect our bond.
7. Name Changes are a Hassle
The bureaucracy involved in changing one’s name is overwhelming. From updating driver’s licenses to dealing with banks, it’s a tedious process. Plus, if life leads to divorce or remarriage, it becomes a logistical nightmare. Keeping my name simplifies everything.
8. Preserving My Surname
My grandparents had sons, which means my family name is at risk of fading away. By retaining my surname, I honor my lineage. It’s important to me that my ancestral name continues to exist.
9. Embracing Individuality
There’s something empowering about defying societal expectations, especially when there’s no strong reason to comply. Ultimately, this decision is mine. Anyone who disapproves doesn’t have to face the same choice.
For those who are puzzled, let me clarify: I didn’t lose my identity in marriage. My name is still a vital part of who I am, and I likely wouldn’t have married a man who had an issue with my choice.
If you want to explore more about family and relationships, check out our post on intracervical insemination. Also, for expert insights on fertility and pregnancy, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource, and for couples on their fertility journey, Make a Mom has fantastic information.
In summary, my decision to keep my last name after marriage is rooted in a desire for individuality, respect for my heritage, and a shared commitment to our family’s unique identity.