Dear Michael,
I want to start by acknowledging how incredible you are as a father and as my partner. Your dedication to our family shines through in everything you do, from tackling laundry duty for years to being a role model for our boys. I appreciate your willingness to share the responsibilities of parenting and your constant support.
However, there’s something I’ve been meaning to address, and I can no longer ignore it. I kindly ask you to stop using the term “girl” as an insult.
I understand that this may stem from your coaching background, where toughness and resilience are often emphasized. You want our boys to embody strength and perseverance, which is admirable. But when they express their feelings, whether it’s crying over minor disappointments or seeking comfort after a minor injury, you often tell them to “stop acting like a girl.”
This phrase carries a damaging implication. It suggests that emotions are a sign of weakness, and that exhibiting sensitivity is something to be ashamed of. What’s often overlooked is that girls, and indeed everyone, possess strength in their emotions. I believe you recognize this on some level, but using “girl” in that context undermines the resilience and fortitude that comes from embracing one’s feelings.
As their mother, I want our boys to understand that it’s perfectly natural to experience sadness, frustration, and hurt. I want them to feel secure enough to come to us when they are struggling, knowing they will receive support rather than belittling remarks. Real strength is found in vulnerability, and it is essential for them to learn that experiencing emotions is a human trait, not a gendered one.
Let’s teach them that sensitivity is not a flaw. It’s part of what makes us human. When they feel hurt, I want them to know that it’s okay to show it, to express themselves, and to lean on us during tough times.
You see, I am a woman who has brought four amazing boys into this world. I have faced challenges that have tested my strength, and I have done so with emotion and grace. My feelings are not weak; they are a testament to my resilience. I want our boys to recognize that being open about their emotions does not detract from their masculinity. Instead, it enhances their character and prepares them to be compassionate leaders in the future.
Let’s work together to foster a supportive environment where our children can grow emotionally strong and self-aware. Remember, sometimes what you perceive as “acting like a girl” is really just them showing they care.
With love, your understanding, strong, and sometimes emotional wife, Sarah
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