As a pediatrician, I often reflect on the lessons I’ve learned from my own experiences and how they translate into the advice I give parents. Stubbornness, in my view, isn’t a flaw; it’s a strength that fosters commitment and reliability. When I began my journey into parenthood, I established a clear set of guidelines for myself, vowing to uphold certain standards. I promised myself that my children would have limited screen time, develop healthy eating habits, and sleep soundly in their own rooms. And for the most part, I’ve successfully adhered to these principles. However, after four years of parenting, I slipped up in an unexpected moment.
During my pregnancy with my daughter, I came across an insightful article emphasizing the importance of not expressing disappointment in one’s appearance around children. The writer shared how, as a child, she viewed her mother as beautiful until she began to hear her mother’s self-deprecating comments. Internalizing this wisdom, I was determined never to voice negative thoughts about my appearance in front of my daughter. Unfortunately, this year, I faltered.
Every year on my daughter’s birthday, we take special photos together—a cherished tradition that captures our growth. While I often feel self-conscious about being in front of the camera, I treasure these memories. However, this year, after looking at our pictures, I blurted out, “Ugh, I look so unattractive.” Almost immediately, my daughter responded, “You’re unattractive?”
I felt a pang of regret, recognizing that I had just sent a harmful message. In that moment, I quickly replied, “Oh, Mommy didn’t mean that,” but deep down, I knew she would eventually understand the truth behind my words.
I’m not here to suggest ways to alter one’s self-image. Personally, I’ve never been fully satisfied with how I look, whether it’s my scars or my facial features. What I want to do is break the cycle of negative self-talk. I don’t want my daughter to hear me call myself unattractive and then face the possibility of someone saying, “You look just like your mom.” That’s a damaging narrative I want to avoid.
Despite my own struggles with body image, I must protect my daughter from the pressures of societal standards of beauty. I have a limited window to instill in her the belief that she is beautiful, free from the burden of perfection. When the time comes for her to navigate peer influences, I hope I have fortified her self-esteem with genuine praise rather than diminishing remarks about the person she admires most—me.
Going forward, I won’t let her hear me call myself unattractive again.
Additional Resources
For more insights on pregnancy and self-care, check out this excellent resource on infertility statistics at the CDC. Another helpful read can be found in our blog post about the importance of self-love and acceptance. If you’re exploring home insemination options, consider visiting Make A Mom for their comprehensive kits.
Summary
This reflection discusses the importance of positive self-image in parenting, especially regarding how a mother’s self-talk can impact her daughter’s perception of beauty. A pediatrician shares personal experiences and emphasizes the need to break the cycle of negative self-image to foster confidence in children.