The transformation of my marriage before and after having kids is strikingly evident. With two little boys demanding our attention, our focus is constantly divided. Time slips away quickly, patience wears thin, and we find ourselves perpetually exhausted.
At first glance, love post-children can feel a bit lackluster, reminiscent of a stale beer left out too long. Yet, while the initial spark may have dimmed, love after kids often becomes deeper and more fulfilling, much like a robust cabernet that has matured beautifully over time.
Shifts in Love and Affection
Before we became parents, love was defined by leisurely Saturday night outings and cozy Sunday mornings spent in bed. Now, it’s about meticulously planning a date that often devolves into a night of takeout and Netflix because of a babysitter cancellation or an unexpected illness.
Public displays of affection have transformed as well. Previously, we enjoyed wild dancing at nightclubs and intimate moments in dimly lit bars. Today, it’s about swaying too closely in the kitchen on a Friday night, sharing a quick kiss or a playful squeeze before our kids erupt with cries of, “Eww! Gross!”
Love used to be expressed through heartfelt Hallmark cards filled with lengthy love notes. Now, it’s a simple Post-It on the nightstand saying, “I took the kids for donuts so you could sleep in,” or a quick text during the day promising to handle the laundry that evening.
Intimacy and Privacy
In the realm of intimacy, spontaneity has taken a backseat. Once, we enjoyed long, passionate encounters. Now, love might mean squeezing in a quickie in the bathroom while the kids are engrossed in their video games.
Exercise routines have also shifted dramatically. We used to go for long runs together, stopping for healthy smoothies afterward. Now, our gym visits involve dropping the kids off in childcare while we sneak in a few minutes in the sauna, pretending to work out.
Disagreements and Communication
Disagreements still arise. Before kids, our arguments were intense but followed by heartfelt reconciliations. Now, those same disputes might linger for days, often unresolved due to sheer exhaustion, and by the time we get a chance to talk, we can’t remember what we were upset about in the first place.
Privacy has taken on a new meaning. Once, we enjoyed our own bathrooms. Now, we share a cramped space where I graciously allow my wife a moment to herself, despite knowing she has seen me through less-than-glamorous moments.
Our perceptions of each other have also evolved. Before kids, I thought he would be a good dad. Now, I see firsthand just how wonderful he truly is as a father.
Changing Conversations and Future Dreams
Conversations have shifted from passionate debates about politics and favorite TV shows to discussions about 529 plans and which children’s show is more annoying—Caillou or Daniel Tiger.
Sundays that once revolved around football on the couch now feature a whirlwind of activities, from attending our daughter’s basketball game to racing to our son’s hockey match.
Dreaming about the future has changed too. We used to indulge in long conversations about our hopes; now, quick texts about who will pick the kids up from daycare dominate our communication.
Conclusion
Ultimately, love remains rooted in forgiveness, hope, fun, hard work, friendship, and unwavering faith in one another. While before we were simply two people in love, now we are a couple who has built a family, still deeply in love.
For those exploring the journey of parenthood and the intricacies of love that come with it, this blog post from Intracervical Insemination offers valuable insights. Additionally, if you’re considering home insemination, check out Make a Mom for authoritative resources on the subject. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, Kindbody is an excellent resource.
Summary
The journey of love and marriage after having children is a complex evolution that involves adjustments in intimacy, communication, and shared experiences. While the initial excitement may fade, the depth and richness of love can grow, shaping a strong partnership as parents.