This past weekend, I enrolled my youngest child in pre-kindergarten, an event that stirred a mix of joy and nostalgia within me. Like many significant moments in parenting, it was bittersweet.
On one hand, the prospect of having four hours of uninterrupted time feels almost surreal. After dedicating nearly a decade to being a primary caregiver, the thought of reclaiming a piece of my personal time is incredibly enticing. Come September, I will embark on my tenth year in this journey of motherhood—a milestone that leaves me momentarily speechless.
I am confident my son will thrive in his new environment. During our visit to the pre-K, he was utterly captivated by the dollhouse, building blocks, and toy trucks. We literally had to coax him out of the classroom when it was time to leave. While I worry less about how this separation will affect him, I can’t shake off the concern about how it will impact me.
Despite my yearning for a break from the relentless demands of caring for young children, I know I will miss certain moments. I will long for the memory of his small body curled up in my lap during rainy afternoons as I read yet another train-themed story. I’ll also miss the endless requests for snacks, the sticky fingers tugging at my shirt, and the chaotic yet endearing moments of daily life.
With seven months left before he starts school, I find myself savoring every moment, even as I reconcile with the fact that these days are numbered. It’s a peculiar feeling—excitement for what’s to come woven with a deep reflection on the fleeting nature of our time together. Thinking back to when I first became a mother, it was hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The combination of sleepless nights, the intense demands of my children, and my own self-doubt made it challenging to envision that things could ever change.
Now, with a date circled on the calendar marking my newfound freedom, a phrase continually echoes in my mind: “It was all worth it.”
Every single moment has been worthwhile.
A decade filled with wiping tears, battling runny noses, and being startled awake by tiny fingers prying my eyes open. A decade of long days spent without adult conversation, interrupted tasks, and clothes permanently marked by various food stains. A decade of cold coffee, hurried meals, and a living space perpetually littered with snack remnants.
I’ve counted down the minutes to bedtime while simultaneously cherishing the sight of their peaceful sleeping faces, often feeling guilty for the impatience I displayed throughout the day. A decade of feeling inadequate, yet also being everything they needed.
It was all worth it—even the toughest parts. Those moments when I felt completely overwhelmed and doubted my abilities were the moments that love proved to be transformative. Love taught me resilience, to push through exhaustion, and to be kinder to myself.
I understand how difficult it is to recognize this while in the thick of it. During my most challenging days, the weight of motherhood felt unbearable. But reflecting on those experiences, I now see the courage I had and how truly valuable every moment was, including the hardest ones.
I recognize that my son starting school won’t eliminate all the challenges of motherhood. There will still be plenty of parenting to navigate, and the emotional hurdles of raising older children can be just as tough, if not tougher. Yet, this impending change serves as a reminder of how swiftly these years have flown by.
As I continue through these days, I’m striving to be present, acknowledging that both the challenging and beautiful experiences are temporary. Everything we face in this journey, even the overwhelming moments, will ultimately be worth it.
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Summary
The journey of motherhood is filled with both cherished moments and tough challenges. As one prepares for changes like a child’s entry into pre-kindergarten, it’s essential to reflect on the experiences that shape us. Despite the difficulties, each day brings value and love, making every moment worthwhile.