As a pediatrician and a parent, I’ve come to realize that my verbal blunders around my toddlers can be a constant source of amusement—and sometimes confusion. In moments of stress, exhaustion, or sheer chaos, I find myself saying things that make absolutely no sense. Here’s a roundup of some of those classic gems:
- “If you don’t return to your bed right this instant, I’ll have to put you back to bed.”
Clearly, that was their original plan. Toddler = 1, Doctor Mom = 0. - “No cookies for breakfast! Just eat your Lucky Charms instead.”
Let’s be honest—those marshmallows probably pack just as much sugar as a cookie. I’m really just complicating my own life here. - “Bathtubs are not meant for splashing.”
Or singing, or any sort of fun. I might as well suggest they bathe without getting wet at all! - “If you’re not going to learn, I won’t teach you.”
Because clearly, the best way to foster learning is to walk away while they struggle to navigate a game of Trouble. - “I can’t hear anyone sleeping up there.”
Unless they’re snoring like a freight train, how can I possibly know if they’re asleep? - “If you don’t buckle up, we’re not going anywhere. We might as well sit here all day.”
In reality, I have a million things to do. Sitting in a parked car all day? Not an option! - “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you a reason to cry.”
A classic parent line that makes no sense at all. If they’re already crying, isn’t that reason enough? - “It’s just a piece of lettuce. It won’t hurt you.”
Unless they decide to shove their chair back too violently and hit their head—then I’m out of excuses! - “Keep it up, buddy. Just keep it up.”
What does that even mean? It’s like a verbal placeholder when I’m at a loss for words. - “You know what?”
And usually, that’s where I stall, confused and frustrated without a clue about what to say next.
My kids are now old enough to giggle at my verbal missteps, and honestly, who can blame them? Often, I sound like a total goofball. I can just imagine one day, after a scolding, my toddler looking up at me and whispering, “Keep it up, Mommy. Keep it up.”
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In summary, the path of parenthood is filled with silly, nonsensical moments that can leave us chuckling or shaking our heads. Learning to embrace these verbal blunders can make the journey more enjoyable for both parents and kids alike.