As I embarked on my journey into motherhood, I thought I was well-prepared. In my late 20s, I had a stable marriage, a degree, and a consulting business that allowed me to work from home with flexibility. My extensive background included babysitting, working as a camp counselor, and volunteering with children, including those with disabilities. By the time I was 22, I had interacted with over 1,000 kids. I believed my love for children and my experiences would guide me through parenting.
However, the reality of raising a child with special needs was a far cry from my expectations. My son, Jacob, was unlike any child I had previously encountered. One moment, he could be thriving, and the next, an unexpected meltdown would leave me questioning everything I thought I knew about parenting.
Imagine this scenario: Jacob, an 8-year-old diagnosed with ADHD and autism, is headed to an after-school activity with a babysitter when anxiety sets in. On the way, the sitter stops for a bottle of water, and Jacob erupts in a full-blown tantrum, screaming and running around the store. The staff, unable to manage the chaos, threatens to call the police.
In moments like this, I remember advice from my father, who once told me that parenting should come naturally. But let me tell you, if there’s an instinctive solution to these kinds of crises, I haven’t found it yet. Instead, I’ve developed a new approach to parenting, which I’ve come to call “Non-Intuitive Parenting.”
Understanding Non-Intuitive Parenting
This style requires a conscious departure from traditional parenting instincts. For example, when Jacob has a meltdown, my first instinct might be to remove him from the situation. Instead, I’ve learned to implement structured strategies, like consulting with child psychologists to determine appropriate consequences. I also create visual schedules using poster board to help Jacob understand his daily activities better.
In this process, I’ve discovered that the “mom look” doesn’t work for Jacob. He doesn’t interpret non-verbal cues, so I have to verbalize my feelings, even when I’m seething with frustration. While many traditional parenting methods suggest avoiding bribery, I’ve found that incentivizing certain behaviors can be beneficial for us. Techniques like applied behavior analysis have become essential tools in my parenting arsenal, though they often feel anything but intuitive.
When I practice Non-Intuitive Parenting, you might see me comforting Jacob after what appears to be a typical tantrum. Trust me, my responses are not random; they are informed by extensive assessments, expert advice, and hours of therapy. My reactions may seem overly calculated from the outside, but they are based on what I’ve learned from specialists and supportive online communities.
The Evolution of Maternal Instincts
It’s important to emphasize that while I don’t dismiss maternal instincts entirely, my intuition has evolved. I can recognize a fever through a simple touch, but I also rely on research and the counsel of professionals to inform my decisions. I’ve had to forge a new path, one that doesn’t rely on the parenting practices of previous generations.
Though the journey has been challenging, advocating for Jacob has made me a more resilient person. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and if you feel lost as a parent of a child with special needs, you’re not alone. It’s a learning process, and the love you have for your child is undeniably the most intuitive aspect of this journey.
Additional Resources
For more insights on the complexities of parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in home insemination options, this authority provides valuable information. Additionally, for further reading, visit this blog post that dives into the nuances of the topic.
Summary
Parenting a child with special needs often defies traditional instincts. The author shares her journey of adapting to a new parenting style, known as Non-Intuitive Parenting, which emphasizes structured strategies and expert guidance over instinct. The love for one’s child remains the most instinctive aspect of this unique parenting experience, highlighting the importance of adaptation and learning.