It was during a celebration for a friend’s little one when I found myself in an all-too-familiar situation. My youngest, a baby, was nestled on my right hip, the spot he loves best. Meanwhile, my energetic toddler, Max, tugged at my pants, saying, “Mommy, pick me up, Mommy!” Naturally, I scooped him up with my other arm, balancing both of them with ease.
As the festivities continued, I felt the familiar weariness creeping in. I attempted to place my baby down, but he made his displeasure known with a series of high-pitched whines that could rival the most dramatic of performances. So, I switched my focus and set Max down instead. “Mommy, I need you!” he protested in the most convincing tone.
Eventually, I found a comfy armchair that could accommodate the three of us. We snuggled until Max spotted a colorful Lego display and bounded off to explore. My baby, however, remained content in my lap until he spotted the snack table. He pointed excitedly, and I carried him over to grab some cheese for him.
Just as I was enjoying this simple moment, a woman, perhaps a relative of my friend, leaned in close. “You should really put that baby down, you know? He won’t learn to walk if you keep carrying him like that. You’ll spoil him,” she insisted.
I chuckled awkwardly, feeling that familiar flush of embarrassment settle in. “No, thanks,” I managed to reply, my mind racing for something more eloquent but failing me in the moment. “You’re just going to spoil both of them,” she continued, motioning dismissively towards Max.
Despite her remarks, I continued to hold my baby for the rest of the party, all the while feeling a storm of frustration brewing inside. Why didn’t I speak up? Why did I allow her unsolicited advice to overshadow my own instincts as a mother?
Dear Stranger,
If holding my children means I’m spoiling them, then so be it. I’ll embrace the title of the “spoiled kids’ mom” because I refuse to deny my babies the warmth, security, and comfort of my embrace. Did you know some adults actually pay to be hugged? Yes, it’s true! They seek out groups to receive the affection they’ve been deprived of. Perhaps you could benefit from one of those gatherings to soften your heart a little.
To me, spoiling my kids has never been about indulging every material desire. It’s not about surrounding them with an excess of toys that blink and beep, but rather meeting their genuine needs for love and connection. My children thrive on cuddles and closeness, and I willingly oblige because that’s what parenting is all about.
Allow me to share some of my multitasking skills while holding my baby: I can apply moisturizer, do my makeup, and even brush my teeth—all without setting him down. I can manage household chores, including cooking and vacuuming, all while he enjoys his favorite perch on my hip, and Max frequently returns for hugs and chats.
I am committed to carrying my children as long as they need me. I will use any baby carrier available, whether it’s a wrap or a structured carrier, and will pick them up whenever they ask—because one day, they will stop asking. That’s when I’ll know I’ve done my job well. I hope that when they grow up and become parents themselves, they will understand the importance of nurturing their own children’s needs for affection.
Oh, wait a moment. I feel those little hands tugging at my pants again. Someone is craving a snuggle, and another wants to be lifted up—just because.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go spoil my kids.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt reflection, Dr. Emily Carter shares her experiences of parenting while navigating unsolicited advice from others. She emphasizes the importance of physical affection and emotional connection with her children, rejecting the notion that holding them is spoiling them. She celebrates her ability to multitask as a parent while cherishing the closeness with her kids, affirming her commitment to meeting their needs for love and support.