Everyone has that one friend who always seems to need an explanation for their behavior. “They’re usually great once you get to know them,” or “They’ve had a rough day,” or “Their sense of humor is just a bit off.” Eventually, it becomes clear that despite your friendship, those excuses are piling up. Maybe it’s time for them to own their actions a bit more.
Lately, that’s how I’ve been feeling about my toddler. Honestly, he can be quite difficult to deal with at times. While he often flashes his cheerful personality, the last few months have been particularly challenging.
In the past, when we ventured out and he acted out, I felt the urge to justify his behavior: “He missed his nap,” “He’s teething,” “He’s just really hungry,” or “He finds this place overwhelming.” But now, I’m reaching a point where I’m ready to stop making excuses.
Sure, you can’t hold a two-year-old fully accountable for their actions, yet it’s important to stop shielding them from the consequences of their behavior. After several months of navigating the ups and downs of the notorious toddler phase, I’m ready to say it: sometimes, it’s not me, it’s him.
Just the other day, I was at a café with some friends when my partner, Sarah, arrived with our son, who still hadn’t met everyone at the table. Typically, he warms up quickly, but this time he was clinging to her, screaming whenever anyone looked his way. Instead of offering half-hearted apologies, I just said, “He’s acting like a bit of a jerk today. Don’t take it personally; he’s in scream mode.”
I’m done trying to protect him from the reality of his own actions. As he approaches three years old, it’s time for him to realize that he has agency in his decisions. Not everything relates back to his parents’ choices. Right now, he’s opting to be a handful, and I’m letting him face the music.
“Sure, I’m his dad, but he’s got to own his behavior. If he throws a toy, that’s on him.”
This shift in perspective has been refreshing. Of course, there’s a fine line between holding him accountable and letting his behavior slide, and I certainly don’t advocate for the latter. We still discipline him and guide him toward better choices; however, the toddler years are a universal experience for parents, regardless of their parenting style. We simply have to ride out the storm together. And while we do that, I won’t be letting him off the hook.
He’s tarnishing his own reputation, and if he keeps this up, he’ll find himself unwelcome at every family gathering.
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Summary
It’s essential for parents to recognize that toddlers will have challenging moments, and while it’s natural to want to make excuses for them, there comes a time when they need to take responsibility for their actions. Understanding this can be liberating, as it allows parents to guide their children through the difficult toddler years without sacrificing accountability.