In a recent article from The Atlantic, the effectiveness of sticker charts in parenting was examined, and the findings might surprise you. What many parents view as a harmless way to encourage good behavior could actually lead to unintended consequences.
Sticker charts, often touted as “effective psychological tools,” could potentially harm the relationship between parents and children. The argument suggests that rewarding children for certain behaviors can instill an expectation for rewards in every situation. This idea raises a critical question: is it really beneficial to create a system where children only engage in helpful behavior when they anticipate a reward?
Dr. Angela Moore, a child psychologist, highlights the pitfalls of sticker charts in her article “The Downside of Reward Systems.” She mentions that parents sometimes find themselves in perplexing situations. For example, one mother was thrilled with her sticker chart’s initial success until her son responded to a request for help by asking, “What’s in it for me?”
In another case, parents expressed frustration when their daughter declined the chance to earn points towards a new phone for helping with chores. They wondered how to motivate her. Here’s a thought: why not explain that helping out is simply part of the family responsibility?
As a physician and parent, I understand that parenting can be incredibly challenging. I have a two-year-old and a five-year-old, and they often test my patience. However, I believe that parenting doesn’t have to be an intricate puzzle we must solve to create perfectly adjusted children. Sometimes, it’s necessary to assert authority and remind kids that certain tasks are non-negotiable.
Dr. Moore elaborates on how many parents who start with good intentions in implementing reward systems may inadvertently create a “reward economy,” where children become conditioned to expect incentives for every positive action. Research indicates that when children are offered tangible rewards for altruistic behavior, it can actually diminish their natural inclination to help others.
In a world where we operate on a reward system—working hard for paychecks and bonuses—why should we hesitate to prepare our children for similar realities? There’s nothing inherently wrong with making parenting easier through practical methods. The notion that every decision we make could damage our children is an overreaction.
Reflecting on my own upbringing in the seventies, I can attest that our parents didn’t overanalyze every parenting choice. While some of that may have led to issues, I believe we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction, worrying excessively about benign actions like using stickers as rewards.
If you’re finding yourself engrossed in parenting articles, rest assured you’re likely doing your best to be a thoughtful parent. Consider embracing a more relaxed approach. Grab a few stickers and take a moment to enjoy your parenting journey.
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In summary, while sticker charts may have the appearance of being a simple parenting tool, their implications can complicate relationships and expectations between parents and children. A more balanced approach to parenting may yield better results in the long run.