Recently, a colleague inquired about when my partner and I planned to expand our family. It left me momentarily speechless. Personally, I tend to steer clear of asking others about their family planning unless I’m very close to them. Even then, I prefer phrasing it in terms like “if” or “should you choose to” rather than “when.”
Ever since our daughter was born, it seems like everyone has been curious about our intentions for a second child. I remember the first few weeks of motherhood, when eager faces would ask about our plans for another. I often felt like rolling my eyes at the question. “When are you having more?” is certainly not the best inquiry for someone battling sleepless nights and the challenges of early motherhood.
As my daughter approaches her first birthday, the question has become even more common. While I know we want more children in the future, I still can’t pinpoint when that desire will truly take hold. Experienced mothers often mention a phenomenon where you “forget” the hardships associated with pregnancy and the newborn stage. They say you lose sight of the difficulties and instead focus on the joy of watching your child grow.
I have loved every moment of being a mother, and I’m grateful for the chance to see my daughter develop into her unique self. Yet, I recognize that I’m not quite ready for another child. The memories of my pregnancy are still fresh.
I haven’t forgotten the relentless nausea or the overwhelming fatigue. I still vividly recall the smell of onions that seemed to permeate the city, causing me to hold my breath on my commute. I remember feeling nauseous in the strangest places, even at work. The heartburn, the sleepless nights, and the anxiety before doctor’s appointments are all still there. I remember the fear and hope that came with each visit, praying for a healthy baby while grieving for mothers who faced loss.
The labor and delivery process feels like a daunting mountain ahead. I still think about how fragile a newborn’s life is, celebrating every ounce gained and enduring sleepless nights filled with cries that communicated their needs. I haven’t forgotten the struggle of breastfeeding, the feelings of inadequacy when things didn’t go as planned, and the guilt that followed.
Yet, I also cherish the joy I felt upon discovering I was pregnant. I can still recall the excitement of sharing the news with my partner, keeping our secret close before revealing it to family and friends. I remember the thrill of speaking to our child before they were even born, mapping out our dreams for the future together.
The first time I laid eyes on my daughter, I was overwhelmed with love. I haven’t forgotten those tiny moments—her first smile, her first steps, the pride I felt as she learned something new. Each day brings its own joys, whether it’s a morning hug or a shared laugh.
Because I carry these memories with me, I know that when the time is right, I will be ready to embrace the journey of adding another child to our family.
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In summary, I recognize my current readiness for another child is influenced by both joyful memories and challenging experiences. While I look forward to expanding our family, I remain grateful for the time I have as a mother to my wonderful daughter.