Dear Dad,
I realize we’ve never exchanged the casual greetings I share with the other parents during drop-off. It’s not that I don’t want to; I just tend to keep my distance from unfamiliar men. Honestly, with my hair looking like I just rolled out of bed, dark circles under my eyes, and morning breath that could raise the dead, I’d prefer to avoid any unintended flirtation.
However, I see you every morning. I notice you walking your daughter to school, her vibrant pink backpack bouncing with every step. I hear your gentle reminders about keeping her hands warm in her pockets, and it warms my heart to know I do the same for my son. Your care shines through when you apply chapstick on her lips and ask for a kiss before she heads into the school. You assure her you’ll be back after class, and I see you linger a moment, watching her go with a heart full of love. Once she’s safely inside, you turn to head back home.
I often wonder what your day looks like after you drop her off. Are you running a successful business from home? Battling rush hour traffic to get to the office? Or perhaps you’re on a quest to find the cutest after-school snacks while navigating the grocery store? Maybe you’re tidying up the house, washing dishes, or even sneaking in a quick nap with a cup of coffee in hand.
I can’t help but ponder if you feel the weight of being a man in a world often dominated by women. Do you find community with other dads at the playground? Are you included in mommy circles during casual chats? Is there a “Dads’ Day Out” at local community centers? Have you ever been invited to a DOPs (Dads of Preschoolers) group? When you’re out shopping, do you ever change a diaper on the bathroom floor if a changing table is nowhere in sight? Do you wrestle with the complexities of your professional ambitions while being primarily responsible for your child?
I don’t ask these questions, as they are not my business. Plus, I wouldn’t want to subject you to my less-than-fresh morning breath.
What I do understand is that society often tries to paint us as different. As a woman, I’m expected to embody nurturing qualities, yet I see the joy in your daughter’s eyes when she’s with you. You are just as capable as any woman of providing her with love and support. I notice your wedding ring and often wonder if your wife is the one bringing home the bacon. She is just as competent in the workplace as any man and can be just as competitive and assertive.
While you may be physically stronger, I know you can also be the one reading gentle bedtime stories. I might be softer in demeanor, but those kids know they need to be in bed by the time I reach 15 counts or face consequences.
As a woman, I often feel like I’m falling short of the ideal mother I envisioned. Do you ever question whether you’re living up to your role as a dad by being the primary caregiver? Is this fatherhood experience what you imagined it would be?
We may never have a deep conversation about these thoughts before the school bell rings, but please know this: I see you, I appreciate you, and I recognize the love your daughter has for her father.
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Summary
This letter addresses the often overlooked experiences of fathers at school drop-off. It acknowledges the challenges of being a man in a predominantly female environment while appreciating the love and care they provide their children. The author expresses a desire for connection and understanding among all parents, regardless of gender.