During a car ride following my first ultrasound, I vividly remember pausing at a traffic light and hearing Mariah Carey’s heartfelt rendition of “I’ll Be There” playing softly on the radio. It was an emotional moment, one filled with joy as I anticipated the journey ahead with my soon-to-be-born child. Little did I know that this journey would require more resilience and commitment than I ever imagined—especially after my daughter was diagnosed with autism.
As a doctor and a parent, I’ve faced numerous challenges with my daughter, from unexpected hurdles to moments of pure joy. Recently, I’ve found myself yearning for her to gain a sense of independence. My daughter, who is classified as high-functioning on the autism spectrum, often finds herself in a unique predicament—she exhibits neurotypical behaviors in certain scenarios while also displaying atypical dependence in others. Yet, amidst my desire for her autonomy, I often forget she is still a child who craves her mother’s presence and support.
At 11, she struggles with tasks that many her age have mastered, such as brushing her hair or tying her shoelaces. She still needs assistance with shampooing her long, beautiful hair—a length I cherish and wish to maintain. Academically, she faces challenges that leave me uncertain about her grade level and whether it even matters in the grand scheme of things. I sometimes find myself feeling exasperated when she calls out, “Time to brush my teeth, Mom!”
Why does this frustrate me so? Am I simply overwhelmed and rushing her to grow up? Perhaps I’m grappling with my own fears about her future independence and the life we both envision for her.
To truly support my daughter, I must refocus my efforts on helping her achieve independence through manageable steps. Celebrating her progress instead of voicing my frustrations is essential. With the growth she has already demonstrated—thanks to therapies, education, and our guidance—I have much to be thankful for. She can form complete sentences, is potty-trained, reads with impressive inflection, and enjoys diverse hobbies like cheerleading, playing with dolls, and assembling puzzles. She loves makeup, fashion, and bickering with her brother, showing that she’s navigating her tween years just like other girls her age.
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I realize I too learned essential life skills later in life. It wasn’t until college that I grasped how to do laundry properly, and cooking was never my strong suit. Yet, I draw inspiration from moments like that evening at the stoplight, reminding myself of my commitment to my daughter. Just as I pledged to my partner, I promise to be there for her every step of the way.
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In summary, embracing the ups and downs of parenting a child with autism is a continuous journey. While the desire for independence is strong, the need for support and nurturing is equally vital.