Recently, my third-grade son, Oliver, came home with a story. He told me that a staff member at his school questioned why his lunch was packed with only snack items and suggested he should opt for something healthier. “Mom,” he said, “maybe you should start making me sandwiches again.”
Initially, I chuckled. The last few sandwiches I had prepared for him had gone untouched. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Too mushy. Nutella? Not enough spread. Cheese sandwich? Soggy. The list goes on.
I’ve tried sending him pasta in a thermos, and even leftovers from his favorite meals. Yet, regardless of what I pack, he often returns home with either just one tiny bite taken or nothing eaten at all. It’s clear that Oliver is a picky eater.
At home, he does eat relatively well. He enjoys fruits, vegetables, and healthy proteins, albeit not always in the same form as the rest of the family. But at school? The lunchroom is a whirlwind of noise and activity, one of the few times kids can socialize, and my chatty son often prioritizes fun with friends over finishing his meal. I suspect he has an extraordinary sensitivity to tastes and smells, making the cafeteria food unappealing to him.
Although Oliver has never been formally diagnosed with sensory processing issues, he exhibits several related traits—sensitivity to certain fabrics, a low tolerance for discomfort, and a selective palate. I’ve learned that battling this is often futile. Many children, according to parenting authority Elizabeth Pantley, can remain picky eaters until around age ten, or even into their teenage years.
To ensure he gets enough nutrition—and recognizing that I can feed him well at home—I pack him foods I know he will consume. This often includes granola bars, cheese crackers, and sometimes, if I’m lucky, a handful of nuts or a box of raisins. I strive to include protein with the carbohydrates, but fruits and vegetables are a hard sell unless we’re at home.
It’s not an ideal solution, but like many parents, I’m just trying to do my best given the circumstances. I’m relieved when he comes home having eaten anything at all.
Regarding that comment from the school aide, I understand her concern. If I were in her position and happened to glance into my son’s lunch box, I might also feel a twinge of worry. I would likely question whether this child’s mother is uninformed about nutrition or perhaps just not trying hard enough.
However, I wouldn’t voice those concerns. The contents of a lunch box are a mere snapshot of a child’s overall diet. Just as I wouldn’t judge another parent for their child’s messy hair or wrinkled shirt, I recognize that there’s often much more happening behind the scenes in each family’s life.
While the aide’s question wasn’t directly judgmental, I could sense that Oliver picked up on the underlying critique. When I asked if he genuinely wanted sandwiches again, he admitted he wasn’t interested; he simply didn’t want to appear out of place in front of the staff. Eventually, he moved on from the comment, and so did I.
Nonetheless, I was left feeling vulnerable. For a moment, I considered calling the school to explain my son’s lunch choices. But deep down, I realized I had nothing to prove. It would be ridiculous to defend my 9-year-old’s eating habits.
This experience reminded me just how sensitive we parents can be to outside opinions. Even after nearly a decade of parenting, I still find myself overthinking the contents of my child’s lunch! Unfortunately, the scrutiny regarding how I feed my kids—and the countless other judgments about my parenting—aren’t likely to disappear anytime soon. The silver lining is that with time, I’m learning to let it all roll off my back.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of a picky eater can be challenging for parents. This article highlights the struggles of one mother as she faces criticism for her son’s lunch choices at school. Despite the scrutiny, she learns to embrace her child’s preferences while ensuring he gets the nutrition he needs at home. The experience serves as a reminder of the vulnerability parents face, even in seemingly trivial matters.