Public Service Announcement: If you ever find yourself in a psychological study where a “teacher” instructs you to administer shocks for each wrong answer, brace yourself—it’s about to get intense. I have a tendency to hold authority figures in high regard. White coat? Absolutely, I’ll follow your prescription to the letter. Lots of framed degrees? Sure, I’m aware I’m here because my well-meaning friends thought you could work miracles with my child’s behavior.
You authored a bestseller? Clearly, that qualifies you to fix my parenting woes! (I’ve published a few articles myself, so I know anyone can get published.)
However, as I’ve aged, I’ve developed a stronger sense of self-assurance. I’m more inclined to trust my instincts, conduct my own inquiries, and voice my disagreements with so-called “experts.”
Unfortunately, the internet is relentless in its unsolicited advice, and I’ve had enough! Here are nine pieces of guidance I wish would just disappear:
- Avoid These Delicious Foods Unless I Want to Be Unhappy
Seeing posts about avoiding every satisfying food every few minutes isn’t helping my resolve. - Wrap It!
I’ve seen the transformations that come from food wrapping, but until I find a method that magically prevents me from eating, my thighs won’t be seeing any changes. - Infuse My Water with Fruit
Does anyone realize how much effort it takes to chop up three cups of fruit? And who wants to lug around a heavy jar of soggy fruit they can’t even eat? - Get More Sleep
Thanks for the tip, Captain Obvious. My kids have busy lives now, and I can’t exactly stick to a strict bedtime. If I went to sleep when they do, I’d be the lamest person around. - Drink Wine
I’ve never liked wine! Please stop insisting that it can solve all my problems. If you have something positive to say about whiskey, I’m all ears. - Ditch All K-Cups
I do my part for the environment and follow water conservation rules, but can I please enjoy my one cup of coffee without guilt? I’ve switched to a reusable K-Cup, but if I hear it’s harmful, I might just lose it! - Empty My Pantry Because It’s Poisoning Me
I’ve navigated life for over 40 years. I can read labels and understand the food industry’s complexities. Not everything is a conspiracy, and my food isn’t going to harm me. - Invest in Fancy Jewelry
I can get four pairs of earrings for a mere $5! Sure, they might turn my earlobes a little dark, but it’s a unique fashion statement. Besides, they look fab with my discount workout clothes. - Fret Over My Child’s Self-Esteem
Have you interacted with a 12-year-old boy? They believe they’re invincible and all-knowing. While I want to protect their feelings, I find myself less worried about their self-esteem when they can’t even hear my requests half the time.
So, dear internet, I’m my own expert. Your advice isn’t relevant to me.
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Summary: In a world overflowing with unsolicited advice, it’s crucial to discern what truly matters. As a parent and a professional, I share nine pieces of so-called expert advice that I choose to ignore, focusing instead on my instincts and experiences.