February 15, 2023
Recently, Jenna Hart, an advocate for mental health awareness, penned a poignant letter to Lisa Johnson, mother of a young man involved in a tragic school shooting. In her heartfelt message, written just before Lisa’s appearance on a televised interview to discuss her son’s devastating actions, Hart expressed her forgiveness, stating, “Reflecting on the past is often clearer than living in it, and I can only imagine the pain you’ve endured wondering what you could have done differently.” She reassured Johnson that she had released any resentment and wished her peace.
As I absorbed Hart’s letter and later watched Lisa Johnson on the interview, I found myself pondering: Why have we cast such severe judgment on Johnson for her son’s choices? Why has she been demonized in the media despite not committing any wrongdoing? What compels us to demand accountability from a mother who had no foresight of her son’s intentions, which culminated in one of the most horrific school shootings in history?
During the interview, Johnson described her son using words like “intelligent,” “charming,” and emphasized her dedication to parenting. The screen displayed images of him playing with toys, enjoying nature, and sharing joyful moments with friends. She painted a picture of a nurturing upbringing: supportive parents, a stable environment, quality education, and a positive social circle. Statistics revealed that a significant percentage of school shooters are young males, many of whom excel academically and have no prior criminal history.
Johnson’s narrative resonated with me as a parent of a seemingly well-adjusted young boy who enjoys similar pastimes and is academically successful. I couldn’t help but reflect: what if our situations were reversed?
I watched intently, anticipating a moment of realization for her—when she might reflect on the signs of her son’s distress, perhaps recalling a moment where intervention could have changed everything. Yet, even years later, the disbelief on her face remains evident. Like many parents, she grapples with the harsh questions of where she went astray and what could have been done differently.
As a mother of a teenage son, I empathize deeply with her plight. My heart ached as she revealed her daily struggle with guilt over her parenting choices since that tragic day. It’s vital to recognize that she experienced a profound loss as well—her son, too, became a victim of that day’s events. While some may argue she lost him long before the shooting, the reality is that a mother is left to navigate a labyrinth of grief and self-doubt.
It’s all too easy to lay blame at her feet. It’s simpler to vilify her than to confront the uncomfortable truth: her experience reflects our own vulnerabilities as parents. The fear that we might also be judged for our children’s actions looms over us all.
Every day, I make conscious decisions about how to raise my son. I strive to follow expert advice—engaging in meaningful conversations and being present during crucial moments. Yet on difficult days, when his behavior is challenging, I worry that I might somehow steer him towards poor choices in the future. The pressure to be the perfect parent is immense, and I fear that my efforts may not suffice.
I imagine Lisa Johnson harbored similar fears before that fateful day in April.
For those interested in exploring more on parenting and related topics, you might find helpful insights in our other blog post on home insemination strategies, which you can check out here. Additionally, resources like this fertility guide provide valuable information on conception, while Mount Sinai’s infertility resources offer excellent support for those facing challenges in starting a family.
In summary, as we navigate the complexities of parenting, it’s crucial to recognize that we are all doing our best in uncertain circumstances. Judgment can be easy, but understanding and compassion are what we truly need.