From a young age, I have firmly believed that parenthood isn’t for me. Even as a child, I found dolls unsettling and real babies more annoying than endearing. Whenever I expressed my feelings to my parents, they would tell me, “You’ll change your mind.” Yet, here I am at 30, and my stance remains unchanged.
Children never appealed to me in the same way they do for many others. While I adore animals, human babies come across as little, wailing, diaper-wearing extraterrestrials. I’ve read enough articles on parenting to know just how stressful it can be, not to mention the trials of pregnancy and childbirth — all for the chance to raise a child who might not even appreciate your efforts. It feels like an enormous risk.
Additionally, I recognize that I wouldn’t be a good parent. I value my independence too much. After hosting friends for a weekend, I’m relieved to watch them leave; even my pet hamster’s late-night activities annoyed me. Call it selfish, but I thrive on the freedom to choose how I spend my time, and interruptions to my solitude disrupt my peace and productivity. My career is my passion, and I work tirelessly, often sacrificing my evenings and weekends to nurture it. You could say it’s my “baby”—except it doesn’t scream or need changing.
Despite my disinterest in children, many people jump to the assumption that I must love being around them. Friends often ask questions like, “What names do you have in mind for your kids?” or “How many do you want?” Their shock when I reply with “none” is palpable. Parents whose children invade my personal space in public places often smile knowingly, as if I should feel grateful for their little ones’ germs. I doubt society would impose such expectations if I were a man.
I hope that the men I date understand that not every woman has an innate love for children. I used to dismiss my lack of desire for kids as a non-factor in dating, thinking perhaps my views might change or that the relationship wouldn’t last long enough for it to matter. However, after witnessing several friends’ partnerships falter over disagreements about having children, I’ve concluded that dating someone who wants kids would be a waste of time — just a delay before the inevitable breakup.
Topics like children don’t usually come up on first dates, but thankfully, some dating platforms allow you to specify your preferences regarding kids in your profile. I’m still working on finding a smooth way to broach this subject when meeting someone in person, but I’ll keep you posted if I find a solution.
There have been moments when I considered compromising if I met a perfect partner who felt strongly about having children. However, I quickly dismissed that idea. I can’t sacrifice my comfort for someone else’s desires. Even if I were to consider adoption, I still wouldn’t be cut out for parenting. That’s perfectly fine — I excel in other areas, like singing songs on cue when someone names a word.
A conversation with a friend about her challenging relationship with her mother crystallized my feelings about parenthood. “I don’t think she ever really wanted kids,” she shared. “She just had us because it was expected. Now she resents me for it.” I refuse to be a mother who resents her children, and for me, that means choosing not to become a mother at all.
With more individuals opting not to have children, it’s becoming increasingly clear that raising a family isn’t the sole path to a fulfilling life. The world has plenty of children, so the only people who should become parents are those who genuinely want it — those who relished babysitting or dreamed of teaching. I admire that mindset, but I can’t relate.
As for myself, I’ve successfully raised three hamsters to adulthood, so perhaps a cat is my next step. I wouldn’t mind being the fun aunt who can enjoy time with nieces and nephews before handing them back to their parents — plus, I can still focus on work with cats around. The role of a parent is a lifelong commitment, and out of respect for that responsibility, I firmly believe it’s not for everyone. It’s certainly not for me.
For those interested in alternative paths to parenthood, you can explore more about home insemination in this helpful guide or check out authoritative resources like this one.
Summary
The author reflects on their lifelong choice to remain child-free, expressing contentment with their decision while highlighting the societal assumptions and pressures surrounding parenthood. They emphasize the importance of wanting children genuinely before taking on the responsibilities of parenting and acknowledge their fulfillment in other areas of life.