To My Esteemed Ovaries,
This is Dr. Johnson reaching out with a vital update on behalf of our entire body system. First off, let me express my heartfelt gratitude for your outstanding contributions to the continuation of our species. Your work has been instrumental in the creation of Baby 1.0 and Baby 2.0, and your decisive call for a little one was heard loud and clear. Thanks to your initiative, we’ve navigated the baby-making process with remarkable efficiency—perfectly suited for a time when families needed to be larger for agricultural success.
However, before you get too excited, I must inform you that, unlike the 19th-century farmers, we no longer require your services. After the arrival of Baby 2.0, a formal cessation of all baby-related activities will be enacted. This means no more egg releases or emotional nudges toward baby fever. In fact, the Nose has already declared a no-baby-sniffing policy, and any accidental exposure to the scent of a newborn will be swiftly eliminated.
While we appreciate your enthusiasm, it’s crucial to address the impact your excitement has had on The Uterus. She has been on high alert for the past 10 weeks, and frankly, she’s not pleased. A formal request for your eviction from the lower abdomen is currently under review. And let’s not forget The Ears, which have suffered enough from the shrieking of Baby 1.0. They are close to filing their own complaint against you and may seek further action if Baby 2.0 proves to be equally vocal.
We want you to know that your past services are appreciated, but we are serious about this decision. We’ve endured enough pregnancy scares to understand that your days of prompting new life are over. To ensure clarity, we are done having babies.
That said, The Heart remains your greatest supporter and would have welcomed several more children if it had its way. Fortunately, I won the decision-making coin toss and can now officially declare the end of reproduction. Ding dong.
You may continue to release eggs monthly until you naturally transition into your less functional state, and as a token of appreciation, you both will receive participation trophies for your roles in our family’s growth. However, unless there’s an extraordinary circumstance, like an apocalypse or the need to colonize another planet, please refrain from reminding us of your capabilities or holding it against us that you still have millions of eggs in reserve. If space is a concern, perhaps consider evolving and embracing the idea that sometimes, less is more.
Thank you for your understanding and cooperation in this matter.
Best Regards,
Dr. Johnson
In Summary
The message to the ovaries is clear: while their contributions have been invaluable in building a family, the body has decided to cease all reproductive activities after the arrival of Baby 2.0. The focus now shifts to ensuring peace and harmony within the body, with an emphasis on moving forward without the desire for more children.