You’re not even nine yet, still navigating third grade as an enthusiastic little girl. While I’ll eventually write to you about the woman I hope you’ll grow into, that’s not the purpose of this letter.
Today, we need to have a more serious discussion—not about the talk that’s on the horizon regarding life and relationships, but about something equally important: dealing with difficult people and the essence of sportsmanship.
Remembering the Volleyball Game
Do you remember when I coached your volleyball team last fall, and we played at another gym? The opposing coach was incredibly rude. That’s the person I want to address.
It’s been a few months, so perhaps you’ve forgotten the extent of his poor behavior. You might not recall how he disrespected the referee, belittling her authority with snarky comments and exaggerated gestures. He encouraged his players and their parents to mock her calls when they went in our favor and made snide noises when we scored.
You even asked me why he was so unkind, and that question has stuck with me.
The Importance of Sportsmanship
Having played sports throughout my life—from dance as a toddler to softball in elementary school and volleyball in middle and high school—I’ve seen my fair share of coaches. I’ve also coached youth volleyball, including competitive teams. I’m confident in my ability to teach young girls about teamwork and fair play.
That coach? He’s missing the mark entirely.
One of the most crucial lessons I strive to impart to you and your teammates is the importance of good sportsmanship. At your age, it’s just as vital to grasp fairness and respect for others as it is to master skills like passing and serving.
I’m not one of those parents who believes that fairness means everyone wins. Accepting that you can’t excel at everything is part of growing up. Losing is a part of sports, and learning to handle it with grace is invaluable. There’s so much more to gain from participating in a team than just developing technical skills.
Respecting Everyone Involved
Respecting everyone involved in the game—coaches, teammates, and refs—is essential. Referees are there to facilitate the game; without them, it’s not a sport—it’s merely practice. They deserve respect, not just from you but also from the coaches and parents.
When a coach yells at a referee over a call, he’s sending the message that winning trumps everything else. He’s teaching his players that it’s acceptable to disrespect authority. That’s not just wrong; it’s an example of poor character.
A Takeaway on Understanding
If there’s one takeaway from our discussion, it’s this: those who volunteer their time deserve understanding. As you grow older, the game will become more intricate. The referees will evolve into knowledgeable facilitators, just as you will grow as a player. Sportsmanship will always matter.
But for now, when a referee is giving her time on a Saturday so young kids can enjoy a game? She deserves a break. The stakes are low—there are no championships at risk. We won’t act like they are.
Perspective is everything, sweetheart. Keep that in mind.
It’s been long enough since that game that you probably don’t remember how it ended. But I won’t tell you, because honestly, only an unkind person would obsess over the win/loss record of a group of eight-year-olds.
Love,
Mom