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- Dads Can Be Great Parents, Too
by Sarah Thompson
Updated: Aug. 26, 2019
Originally Published: Feb. 2, 2016
Recently, I stirred up some conversations when I shared my thoughts after a friend vented about her girlfriends saying their husbands would “babysit” their kids while the moms enjoyed a night out. This idea seemed to hit a nerve, and I believe there’s more to unpack here.
Let’s clarify one crucial point: my husband is not a babysitter; he is a parent. This notion deserves to be explored further. At its core, here’s the breakdown:
A Parent Knows What They’re Doing.
As a society, we often default to viewing mothers as the primary caregivers, while fathers are seen as incompetent in their parenting roles. This bias is pervasive. We see it in public restrooms without changing stations for men, implying that fathers wouldn’t know how to change a diaper. It’s reflected in the minimal paternity leave offered by many companies, as if fathers wouldn’t want to support their partners in those crucial early weeks of family life. We also witness it in the media, where dads are frequently portrayed as clueless, bumbling figures.
This misunderstanding creates an issue. Both men and women express frustration when fathers are elevated to “hero” status simply for being involved. Men don’t want to be exceptions to the rule; they just want to parent their children in the best way they can—whether that’s dealing with diaper disasters, cleaning up spills, or teaching a child how to ride a bike.
Of course, we should appreciate their involvement and acknowledge their efforts. It’s wonderful to witness a father spending time with his kids. However, phrases like “Dad’s babysitting tonight” or “Your wife is lucky to have such a helper” inadvertently diminish fathers’ roles. Babysitters and helpers come and go; they don’t know their children as deeply as parents do. They don’t make the tough decisions about school issues or bedtime routines.
In our home, my husband and I share parenting responsibilities equally. While we have different styles, our core beliefs align. Our children recognize what to expect from each of us: I prefer a quieter environment for activities, while their dad is more relaxed about noise. They know when to read stories with me and when they can play music with him. Our differences enrich their experiences, but it doesn’t make either of us a better parent.
My husband knows how to comfort a child who’s hurt and understands where to put school papers—whether to keep or recycle. He teaches them essential skills, from multiplication to dancing. He nurtures values like respect and perseverance.
It’s time to shift the narrative about fathers. Many men want to be seen as competent caregivers, and they deserve that recognition. They are not just babysitters; they are dedicated parents who know what they’re doing.
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Summary:
The perception of fathers as inadequate caregivers is an outdated stereotype. Dads are not just babysitters; they are competent parents who contribute significantly to their children’s lives. Recognizing their role and abilities is essential for fostering a healthier view of parenting.