There’s nothing quite like a little travel to highlight the flaws in a marriage.
“Oops… I missed my turn!”
“What do you mean you missed your turn?”
“I mean, I missed my turn.”
“Are you serious?”
“No.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I was talking to the kids.”
“You can’t converse with the kids and pay attention to directions?”
“I didn’t see it coming.”
“Why didn’t you ask for help?”
“Because I didn’t need it.”
“Well, clearly you did.”
It may only be a ten-minute detour, but it feels like a pivotal moment in our relationship. One of many such instances. We eventually got through this one, but these moments are always lurking, surfacing when you least expect them.
These days, my husband and I seem to be in a constant state of mild annoyance with one another. I like to convince myself that the irritation is really directed at the small, chaotic beings who have taken over our once serene home. Often, I find myself inhaling deeply, forcing a smile while speaking to my kids through clenched teeth.
But that frustration has to go somewhere, and unfortunately, it lands on Tom.
I remember a time when I eagerly awaited my husband’s return home. I counted down the minutes until I could see him again. Nowadays, when he walks through the door, my first thought is, “Finally! Help has arrived!” But then he wants to do things like take off his shoes, change his clothes, and use the bathroom.
Just the other day, my daughter asked me, “Mom, don’t you think it’s funny that Dad is an adult, yet you tell him how long he can be in the bathroom?” No, Mia, I don’t find that amusing at all.
And I suspect he’s not particularly impressed with me, either. I can be a bit irritable, controlling, and overly emotional at times. I can see why he might not like me occasionally. Honestly, there are moments when I struggle to like myself.
At this point in my life, my primary goal is survival. I’m just trying to make it until the kids are all in school, managing their own bathroom needs and understanding why they shouldn’t run into oncoming traffic. If I can make it that far, then maybe I’ll focus on becoming a better, more pleasant person.
Until then, I’m grateful that at the end of each day, he’s still by my side. In this season of young children, we’re committed to sticking it out for one another.
It’s true what they say—there’s a season for everything. I’ve found this to be especially accurate in marriage. I used to believe that our current state defined our entire relationship. If we weren’t aligned in a moment, I thought we’d never be. If I wasn’t happy today, I’d never find happiness again.
When we relocated to Prague, it felt as though we were living in completely different worlds. His world was filled with joy, while mine was not so bright. At night, when we went to bed, an invisible wall separated us. Our hands could touch, yet we couldn’t breach that barrier—not as our true selves, at least.
I can’t pinpoint when that wall came down. There was no specific day or dramatic moment of revelation. It happened gradually, and one night I noticed it was gone. We had simply transitioned through a season. We had made it to the other side.
Now, I strive to manage my emotions and my tendency to overgeneralize. I remind myself that this current phase of life is just that—a phase. One that may be joyful, painful, or challenging, but ultimately temporary. When I view it this way, I can savor the good moments a little more, knowing they won’t last forever, and endure the tough times, recognizing they will eventually pass.
Perhaps they won’t entirely disappear, but they will transform. I suspect that in the future, we’ll look back on these challenging times with the greatest fondness and pride.
“I can’t believe we survived the toddler years,” he’ll say as we relax together on the porch.
“Or that move to Prague,” I’ll add, wrapping my scarf warmly around my neck (it’s always Fall in my ideal future moments).
We’ll be grateful we persevered.
My understanding of love has evolved significantly over the years, and I anticipate it will continue to do so. I believe love itself remains constant, but my perception of it is ever-changing. Nowadays, I think of love as this: at the end of the day, even after a tough time, we’re still there for each other. We are in this together, whether it’s easy or difficult.
It’s not what I envisioned before marriage, but somehow, it’s even more beautiful. And right now, in this busy season of raising young children, it’s just enough.
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Summary:
Marriage is a journey filled with various seasons, each characterized by unique challenges and joys. As couples navigate the ups and downs of family life, it’s essential to recognize that tough times are temporary, and love evolves with each phase. Ultimately, the commitment to stick together, despite the chaos of raising young children, can lead to a deeper appreciation of the relationship over time.
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