When I was younger, I had a passion for photography, capturing every moment of my life in albums that now fill my closet. My son, Ethan, enjoys flipping through these old images, imagining the stories behind each one.
One afternoon, I found him nestled in the closet, absorbed in a photo album featuring his father and me during our college days—a time that feels like a distant memory. When he looked up, he asked how long we’ve been together. For a moment, I pondered my response. Typically, I can answer that quickly, but today felt different.
Reflecting on our years together, I realized I’ve shared my life with the same person for over half of it, which feels incredibly meaningful. “Sixteen years of marriage and four years of living together,” I replied. We’ve been together for more than 20 years, never taking a day apart or needing to cool off during a fight.
Despite the hurdles we’ve faced, we’ve tackled them as a team. Have we thought about giving up when life felt overwhelming? Absolutely. There have been times when we questioned our marriage and the strength of our love. We’ve even considered what it would feel like not waking up together again. However, we talk openly about these feelings and give each other space when needed. I believe this mutual respect for our emotions has only strengthened our bond. We maintain honesty in our conversations, ensuring that both of us feel safe to express our needs. There’s a balance of courage and kindness in our relationship.
Navigating a relationship is undoubtedly challenging, especially during moments when our feelings aren’t favorable. This is where we draw our strength, and it’s during these trials that our love is truly tested.
Key Lessons About Sustaining a Relationship
- Commitment to Stay: We never walk away. We might take a time-out to gather our thoughts, but leaving isn’t an option.
- Embracing the 3 Cs: We practice compromise, communication, and choosing our battles daily.
- Celebrating Differences: Our personalities contrast significantly, yet instead of seeing this as a flaw, we cherish it. Our differences have become one of our greatest strengths as a couple.
- Resolving Arguments: We argue, but we always find a resolution—even if it means agreeing to disagree.
- Personal Support: We are both passionate about our individual pursuits and support each other’s personal interests, which energizes us.
- Comfort in Each Other: I know I can always find solace in his embrace. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary; just being close is enough.
- Divorce Is Not an Option: Most problems we encounter are temporary, whereas divorce feels like a long-term solution to short-term issues.
- Lifelong Journey: We’ve both matured over the years, and we continue to honor each other’s growth. To sustain our relationship, we must celebrate our individual journeys.
- Best Friends: Our friendship is perhaps the simplest reason for our success. We can’t imagine our lives without each other’s companionship.
- Admitting Mistakes: It took us years, but we now recognize the importance of acknowledging when we’re wrong.
- Learning from Conflict: We’ve let go of grudges and no longer revisit past disagreements to score points.
- Frequent Affection: We say “I love you” multiple times a day, even on the days we may not particularly like each other.
- Unified Parenting: We present a united front in parenting decisions, ensuring our children see us as a cohesive unit.
- Body Image: Over the years, my body has changed, yet he always sees me as the most beautiful woman in the world.
- Simple Gestures: We still hold hands, which is a small but profound expression of our connection.
When I shared with Ethan that I’ve been with his father for more than 20 years, I emphasized that he is truly my soulmate. Our relationship is built on trust, commitment, friendship, honesty, and love—all essential components of a successful marriage.
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In summary, a successful relationship is rooted in respect, communication, and a commitment to grow together as individuals. By embracing each other’s differences and supporting one another, love can flourish.