Navigating the Chaos of Pregnancy
I first met our delivery driver, Ted, when I was expecting my second child and struggling to care for my toddler. If he arrived during a critical moment—nap time, feeding, or even when I was engrossed in reruns of a favorite show—I would become quite irritable. Did he really have to honk the horn and ring the doorbell so loudly? Couldn’t he time his deliveries for, say, 3 p.m.? Apparently, that was too much to ask. Eventually, I noticed he began tiptoeing to my door, leaving packages quietly and making a hasty retreat.
On the rare occasions he arrived at a more convenient time, I would offer him cookies and attempt to engage him in light conversation. I even jokingly asked him to babysit while I took a quick shower or prepared dinner, but he politely declined.
The Weight Struggle
During my pregnancy, I gained more weight than I care to disclose—far exceeding the recommended 30 pounds. I often found myself envying other pregnant women who seemed to manage their weight effortlessly, while I indulged in peanut butter cups and Doritos daily. My husband, towering over six feet tall, weighed 50 pounds less than me, and I couldn’t understand how others maintained their figures while I succumbed to my cravings.
The Heat of Pregnancy
Pregnancy turned me into a furnace. Despite my husband’s pleas to close the windows and doors as the chilly Northeast weather set in, I insisted on keeping everything open. I would sleep with just a sliver of a sheet, while he bundled up in down blankets and hats. The draft felt refreshing to me, and I often stepped outside, towel in hand, to relish the cold air on my overheated body. If anyone caught me doing this, I felt no shame.
Food Aversion and Cravings
In the early months, I developed a strong aversion to certain foods—onions, fried items, and anything with a gelatinous texture were off-limits. No one could cook or eat those around me. However, my cravings soon evolved into bizarre combinations, and I expected those around me to accept my culinary choices without comment. If they wanted to bring me cream cheese and chocolate-covered graham crackers, that was fine, as long as I didn’t have to share.
The Puppy Dilemma
At six months into my third pregnancy, I impulsively decided to adopt a puppy, despite countless warnings from friends and family against it. They didn’t mince words, but I was determined. I believed the puppy was meant to be mine, and I was heartbroken at the thought of not having her. In hindsight, it may not have been the wisest choice, but I’d make the same decision again in a heartbeat.
Seeking Affection Amidst Chaos
Even while sporting a frayed robe and a nasal strip due to pregnancy congestion, I craved my husband’s undivided attention. I wanted him to find me irresistibly attractive and cater to my every whim—bringing me fried chicken every night, massaging my feet, and carrying me upstairs in a romantic manner. Unfortunately, my weight gain put a damper on that fantasy, as his back was likely to protest.
Reflecting on this list, I see my husband had valid points about my unreasonable expectations. If we were to have another child, I could streamline my demands. Perhaps I could hire a food delivery service or a foot-massage specialist—surely those exist now. My kids don’t nap anymore, which would be a win for our delivery driver. I could also opt out of the weight-check at my midwife appointments and forgo asking my husband to carry me.
However, I know I would still want a nursery that rivals those found on Pinterest, filled with organic sheets and beautifully curated decor. I would just have to hope my husband can rise to that occasion.
For further insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from Johns Hopkins Medicine. You can also find helpful tools at Make A Mom, an authority on home insemination kits.