Guess what I received for the holidays? Yep, you guessed it! It’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. I can only assume that a well-meaning friend, perhaps like your mother-in-law, gifted it to you, flashing that slightly condescending smile as you unwrapped it. You know the one—it implies her boundless tolerance for your quirks. But couldn’t we all benefit from a tidier space? Hint, hint.
When I cracked open Marie Kondo’s book, I was mostly curious about this so-called magic. Did it involve a squad of miniature helpers who would follow my kids around, putting away their toys and ensuring they didn’t grind snacks into the carpet? Because that sounded like a dream! Or maybe Kondo had discovered a way to persuade my partner that keeping every broken gadget from our past wasn’t essential. I dove into the pages after the holidays, hoping to find a lifeline amid the clutter chaos that had consumed my life.
Initially, Kondo made sense—she preached that everything should have its place. We need to declutter our lives, right? Toss out what we don’t need. I envisioned garbage bags filled with outdated party favors and stuffed animals making their way to the curb. But then it took a turn for the bizarre, akin to that one relative who won’t stop talking about their crystal collection.
I tried to persevere. But when I reached the part where Kondo suggests taking your shampoo and soap into the shower and thanking them for their service to your hygiene, I lost it. Who in the world has time for that? It was clear that Kondo lives in a different reality, one that has no relation to the lives of busy parents like myself. Here are a few of her charmingly absurd recommendations:
- Socks should never be folded over; it exhausts them. They deserve time to relax in the drawer after all their hard work.
- Off-season clothing shouldn’t be stored away; it would lead to depression due to neglect.
- Empty your handbag every time you come home, neatly placing everything in a designated box for easy access later.
Seriously? I get that Kondo might not have children, but do I really need the added pressure of treating my belongings like they have feelings? No, absolutely not. Just managing my family is exhausting enough. The thought of my belongings judging me is overwhelming. My three-year-old already thinks she owns all my time. My shoes will just have to wait their turn.
Kondo repeatedly insists that the best way to determine what to keep is to hold each item, close your eyes, and ask, “Does this spark joy?” If it doesn’t, toss it out. If I followed her advice, I might lose all the toilet paper in my house—and possibly one of my children, which would definitely not end well.
So, I propose that Kondo tries my methods to discover what sparks joy:
- Comfort a child who is covered in vomit from a midnight flu episode while explaining why they have to go to school the next day smelling like it because you couldn’t grab the soap.
- Calmly explain to your partner why you discarded their collection of vintage magazines, emphasizing that they didn’t spark joy for you—even a little bit.
- Attempt to gather all the essentials from your handbag when your toddler has decided they belong to her treasure chest, and you’re already late for work.
If Kondo can survive a day in my household and still find joy, I’d love to hear about it. Perhaps her next bestseller could be The Joy of Getting Your Kids to Stop Leaving Their Clothes on the Floor. That would surely spark a lot of joy for me.
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In summary, while tidying up can be a noble pursuit, the pressures of parenting often make it an overwhelming task. Kondo’s methods may work for some, but for those of us navigating the chaos of family life, simpler approaches may be more effective.