As a pediatrician and a mother, I’ve observed a troubling trend among parents in recent years—one that leaves me both uncomfortable and frustrated. Many parents seem to wear their approach to race as a badge of honor, believing they embody progressiveness. They consider themselves open-minded and accepting, yet they are missing the mark.
Promoting a colorblind perspective is not an antidote to racism; it often perpetuates it.
A couple of years ago, while waiting for my son’s preschool to let out, I witnessed a scene that still resonates with me. A little boy, bursting with excitement, exclaimed to his mother, “Mom! There are kids with brown skin in my class! Three of them!” His mother’s reaction was immediate and harsh; she shushed him, clearly anxious about others overhearing. The boy looked confused, unsure of why his innocent observation elicited such a reprimand.
Later that same year, my family and I dined at a nearly empty restaurant after a holiday service. Our table was near a cozy fireplace, and among the few other diners was a family with a young girl—likely five years old—who quietly approached us. She gazed at my two-year-old and the newborn cradled in my arms, her curiosity palpable.
“Are those your kids?” she asked. I responded affirmatively, aware of the questions swirling in her mind. Her parents, seated at their booth, seemed frozen in shock. Rather than encouraging her to return, I decided to address her curiosity directly. “Yes, they are adopted. Do you know what that means?”
Her eyes lit up with interest. I explained that they came from another mother who couldn’t care for them, but now they were part of our family. Then, she posed a thoughtful question: “Do they see their other mommies?” To which I affirmed, “Yes, we visit them.”
Her father finally called her back to their table, visibly relieved at the shift in conversation.
These types of interactions are not isolated. I’ve encountered children who wonder how I can be the mother of my darker-skinned children, and others who ask if two kids of the same skin color are siblings. Each of these children craves understanding.
Parents must recognize that the greatest disservice they can do to their children’s understanding of race is to ignore or dismiss their inquiries. Children are perceptive; they quickly sense when their parents are avoiding the truth. Evading uncomfortable conversations fosters distrust and confusion, not healthy relationships.
By promoting colorblindness instead of engaging in honest discussions—no matter how challenging—you diminish a crucial aspect of your child’s identity and deny them the opportunity to embrace diversity.
Next time your child points out a family that doesn’t match or expresses excitement over a friend’s different appearance, take a moment to breathe. Sit down and share the truth.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, you can explore resources like Progyny’s blog for helpful information on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination methods, check out BabyMaker’s at-home insemination kit for expert guidance. For privacy-related matters, please see our privacy policy.
In summary, fostering an open dialogue about race is vital for children’s understanding and acceptance of diversity. Avoiding these discussions only leads to confusion and perpetuates misconceptions.