You know I think you’re pretty fantastic. Seriously, if I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t have chosen to spend my life with you (and my taste, as you are well aware, is quite discerning). However, we need to address a pressing issue: your bathroom behavior. It’s rather unfortunate, my dear, and I say this for multiple reasons.
I completely understand that nature calls at inconvenient times. Yet, I can’t help but feel a bit suspicious when your urgent needs seem to coincide with moments that require your attention elsewhere—like when we arrive home with bags full of groceries, and suddenly, you’re racing to the restroom as if an emergency has struck. I’m left juggling perishables while you’re “dropping the kids off at the pool,” so to speak. It’s uncanny how this pattern emerges during family bedtime chaos or when the sink is piled high with dirty dishes you promised to tackle—someday.
We’re both adults with ample experience in these matters. So, I find it hard to believe that you absolutely cannot hold it for just a few minutes. Believe it or not, I too have my own moments of urgency. Yet, I often find myself in situations like the school drop-off line, desperately willing the cars ahead to move before I’m caught in a tight spot.
Throughout my adult life, I’ve managed to avoid any embarrassing incidents in public (though the kids have their own stories). When something requires immediate attention, I handle it before I head to the restroom. I’m not claiming to be a bowel control genius; I’m just an average person managing to navigate everyday life. Your sudden, pressing needs seem a bit suspicious.
Moreover, there’s a stark contrast between the supposed urgency of your situation and the time you spend on the throne. When you’re claiming you’re on the verge of an accident—which seems to happen every time—the reality is you’re often glued to your phone for a prolonged period. A true emergency wouldn’t leave you perched there long enough for your legs to go numb.
While you indulge in your extended (and blissfully solitary) bathroom breaks, I’m left to handle pressing matters: putting away dairy products before they spoil, settling the kids down for bed before it turns into an all-night affair, and washing the dishes so they don’t require industrial cleaning tools.
And let’s not overlook the fact that you tend to forget to switch on the exhaust fan. While you might not mind marinating in your own aromas, the rest of the household would certainly appreciate some fresh air—especially when the smell starts to waft into the hallway.
I hope you can understand the underlying issues here. You may excel at orchestrating bathroom escapes or at least pretending to be in dire need, but your lengthy sessions are testing my patience. So, let’s keep a few things in mind:
- Consideration in the bathroom is a sign of respect.
- The restroom is not your personal sanctuary.
- If you can linger until your legs go numb, perhaps it wasn’t an emergency after all.
I’m sending this link to you so you can catch up on it while you’re in the usual spot, where we both know you often spend your time.
With Love and Genuine Concern,
Your Partner
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In summary, addressing bathroom habits is essential for maintaining harmony in our daily lives. Mutual respect and consideration can make our shared spaces more pleasant for everyone.