Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 3, 2016
At the age of twelve, I made my first conscious decision to let go of something—my weight. As a child who always carried a bit more, shedding pounds became a recurring ambition throughout my adolescence and into adulthood. My resolutions have shifted over the years; some years I would commit to breaking habits, like biting my nails, while other years I would chase after the latest weight-loss fads. Yet, for over thirty years, my focus has largely been on what I could lose or eliminate.
In all that time, I never paused to consider what I wanted to gain. Now, as I reflect, I find myself pondering what that might entail. Perhaps it’s something I’ve lost along the way or, maybe, something I never had but always feared pursuing.
One realization I’ve come to is that I have often silenced my own voice. Like many women, I’ve spent years internalizing others’ words, feelings, and opinions, allowing them to overshadow my own thoughts. In those rare instances when I do muster the courage to speak up for myself, guilt often follows, making me second-guess my decisions. I find myself suppressing my true voice, worried it may reveal my authentic self.
This habit of neglecting my voice has become ingrained. The pursuit of perfection has led me to a place of exhaustion. I’m weary of consistently choosing the path of least resistance to avoid conflict, prioritizing peace over my own truth. We tend to impose unrealistic expectations on ourselves to please everyone, leading to a constant sense of inadequacy. Too often, we dwell in our comfort zones, believing that’s what we should do, while ignoring the inner voice urging us to be true to ourselves.
As I embark on the journey of reclaiming my voice, I realize its significance has grown, especially as I raise my eight-year-old son, Liam. He, too, grapples with finding his voice in a world that often expects conformity. I watch him hesitate, his expression shifting from determination to doubt as he considers sharing his thoughts. He often defaults to seeking others’ opinions before expressing his own.
I make it a priority to encourage Liam to speak confidently and express his desires without hesitation. He hears me voice my frustrations about the times I let my own voice be stifled, and he internalizes these lessons. It’s essential to understand that we don’t simply choose to be voiceless; we are taught to be silent.
It’s taken me a long time to understand that I am defined by my choices. My voice is a crucial part of my identity that I must cultivate. Occasionally, I find myself wondering why it took me so long to embrace my voice and trust my ability to use it. However, I remind myself that personal growth occurs at its own pace, and I will arrive at my destination when I am ready.
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In summary, as I look forward to the new year, my focus will shift from what I can lose to what I can gain—my voice and authenticity in every aspect of life.