The turning point came when my 2-year-old son, Max, decided to stop napping. His once-reliable three-hour rest became a distant memory, abruptly severing my daily connection to peace and quiet. Although I sensed this change was imminent, the impact hit me harder than I had anticipated. I was so drained that I couldn’t even muster the energy to cry.
Isn’t depression often described as anger turned inward? I find myself wrestling with that sentiment daily. When frustrations arise, I struggle to express them, constantly reminded that others face far worse challenges. In these moments, my anger feels like a heavy burden, compounded by feelings of guilt that drown out my voice.
“You shouldn’t feel this way,” my guilt whispers. “Other mothers have it much tougher than you.”
So what if my son has given up his nap? Some parents don’t even get to be home during their children’s rest time. As a stay-at-home mom, I should be grateful, but instead, I feel overwhelmed. With a teething infant and a daughter who wakes at dawn, I barely sleep through the night. By the time the afternoon rolls around, exhaustion has turned my eyes into burning embers.
I yearn to emulate those successful entrepreneurs whose stories often begin with early mornings dedicated to pursuing dreams. Instead, I find myself feeling like a failure, unable to manage my own life, and that frustration only fuels my internal conflict.
The house is usually in disarray. I desperately wish for my husband, Jake, to share in the cooking and cleaning duties, but he works tirelessly to support our family and comes home utterly spent. He handles the cars, trash, recycling, and even installations, all without complaint. I feel guilty for being annoyed with him when he misses precious moments with the kids because of work, so I bottle up my resentment.
In my quest for a moment of solitude, I often resort to turning on the TV for the kids or setting up a game. But my brief moments of peace are frequently interrupted as they climb onto my lap, begging for attention, or begin to bicker. My frustration at seeing Jake unwind while I’m solely responsible for entertaining the children fills me with self-anger; after all, many of my friends are single parents. I know I should feel grateful.
I often think of my friends without children who can spontaneously escape to a coffee shop with a book. The thought of such freedom haunts me. With two little ones under three, any outing requires a monumental effort: diaper changes, dressing them, packing snacks and supplies, and loading them into car seats—all before finally hitting the road. The entire process takes much longer than it would without kids, and I find myself resenting the triviality of my desires.
I wouldn’t classify my feelings as clinical depression, though I’m certainly navigating through a challenging emotional landscape. Recently, I’ve been working on articulating my frustrations without punishing myself for feeling them. A small step, like deleting social media, has helped, and I’ve turned to prayer for solace.
Opening up to Jake has been another vital step. I crafted this article for him to read first. After an exhausting day, I let my feelings flow onto my phone, sharing my struggles like a cry for help. When I handed it to him, I clung to his arm, holding my breath as he read. When he finished, he embraced me and thanked me for being honest.
I’m still in the thick of it, caught between the highs and lows. It’s easy to see why many mothers fall into depression. When moms talk about the restorative power of a hot shower or the necessity of coffee, they genuinely mean it. Parenting is both rewarding and demanding. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that matter most—a few quiet hours alone, a meal delivered without cleanup, or a quick escape without kids.
So, think of a mother in your life. Reach out with a call, text, or even a handwritten note. Remind her that she’s doing a great job. If she downplays it, consider bringing her a milkshake as a gesture of support.
For more insights on managing the challenges of parenthood, you can check out one of our other blog posts here. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning about home insemination options, resources like this are invaluable. For those exploring the journey to parenthood, the CDC offers excellent information on infertility at this link.
In summary, being a stay-at-home mom can be a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s essential to recognize the challenges and seek support, whether through communication, small gestures of kindness, or taking time for oneself.