When I went through my divorce at 34, I felt completely isolated. I had only one acquaintance who had experienced divorce, and she was much older than me. My close friends offered support, but many others vanished or expressed disapproval. As time has gone on, I’ve noticed more friends facing similar situations, and it’s clear that divorce is becoming more common. If you know a divorced mom or will soon, here are six things I wish my friends had understood.
1. Divorce Wasn’t a Simple Choice
Please refrain from saying you could never go through with a divorce or questioning my decision. You might think I haven’t considered the impact or read the same studies that suggest divorce isn’t beneficial for children. The reality is that no one enters marriage expecting it to end. It’s a painful choice, often made after a lot of soul-searching. Be mindful that your judgments could easily come back to haunt you.
2. Divorced Moms Aren’t Desperate
Contrary to what you might see in films, not every divorced woman is on the prowl for a new partner. Many of us focus on our daily responsibilities and the well-being of our children rather than dating. Additionally, we certainly don’t want to be set up with your friends or acquaintances unless they genuinely seem like a good match.
3. Co-Parenting Can Be Civil
My ex, Adam, is neither a villain nor a hero; he’s just a person who made mistakes in a relationship. Over time, we’ve managed to maintain a friendship for the sake of our kids. We’ve celebrated holidays and birthdays together without drama. It’s entirely possible to put past grievances aside for the happiness of our children, and this doesn’t mean we are rekindling anything.
4. The “Wicked Stepmother” Idea Is Outdated
After our separation, Adam started dating again, and it took me time to adjust to the idea of him introducing someone new to our kids. However, his girlfriend, Lisa, has been a wonderful addition to their lives, bringing joy and stability. She attends events and treats my kids with love. So, instead of assuming I should dislike her, recognize that she contributes positively to our family dynamic.
5. Divorce Isn’t Contagious
While studies suggest that one divorce in a close-knit group can sometimes lead to others, your friendship won’t jeopardize your marriage. When I needed friends the most, many distanced themselves. I felt as though I had some sort of contagious disease. To those who remained supportive, I am grateful. If you know someone going through a divorce, don’t shy away; they might need that friendship more than ever.
6. The Kids Are Doing Just Fine
While I won’t downplay the challenges divorce can bring, my children are thriving. They exhibit good behavior and have adapted well to our new normal. We ensure that both parents are present at significant events and have maintained a respectful atmosphere for them. They’re learning valuable lessons about relationships, so there’s no need for pity or concern.
Next time you hear about a friend or colleague navigating a divorce, reach out with kindness. Offer support, listen, and share a moment together. Your compassion can make a world of difference.
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In summary, being a divorced mom comes with its own set of challenges and misconceptions. Understanding and support from friends can make a significant difference in navigating this chapter of life.
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